Hi, Thank you for the welcome. You remember me... I'm the one with the screechy voice...you know, the one who wears her hair in a bee hive. It gets cold in Alaska you know. That hair helps me to stay warm; along with my Dude.
I'm so excitied to be in New York City. St. Paul was the biggest city I've ever been in. I can't believe how tall these buildings are here. If I knew they built buildings this tall, I would have got me some up in Alaska. The people here are weird. There's a lot with dark dark tans. We don't have those back home. There's also some that speak some kind of language I've never heard. Maybe it's a different Eskymo tribe. And then there's some who sleep on the sidewalk. I don't know what they're doing. Maybe waiting for tickets to a high school hockey game.
I want to tell you about myself...I am so proud...I joined the PTA at my kids school. I had important duties. I even got to choose the kind of cookies to bring on birthdays and I got to play musical chairs at the school carnival. One other lady wanted to play music I didn't like, so I punched her. My dude punched her dude. It was a good ol time.
I even got to ban books from the school library. That Harry Potter is one dangerous dude...and don't even get me going on Catcher in the Rye. It's unGodly. The librarian got so mad at me I had to punch her too! The bitch!
And ya know, one time I did this foreigh policy deal...I found a note in a bottle that washed up on shore from Russia. Who says I haven't been around. Well just the other day I road my snowmobile chasing a bunch of moose. I shot me a couple. I love the NRA. They are on a mission from God.
I understand I'm going to meet some kinds of people I've never met before. I think they are called His-pan-ics and Ne-groes. I'm sure they'll like me...everyone does. We are running against this guy named O-Ba-ma. I believe he's a community organizer. I guess that means he gets organs for the community when they have a hoe down. We'll I gotta get going. God is calling me.