Many a time have I leapt atop my soapbox to say that we should let things happen, not jump to conclusions and give the President a chance.
Many a time have I thought it was a good idea to shut up and listen or "chill the fuck out. I got this", or whatever that great graphic from the campaign said.
But I've got to be honest with you: I'm at more of a crossroads than ever before.
Unlike a lot of folks here, I think some of my passion for progressive ideas is tempered somewhat by my policy training and by my knowledge of "political realities" in Washington. Frankly, I think the Netroots needs to get a little Procedure 101 when it comes to Congress.
But that aside, the reason we are in this spot with health care, financial reform and the climate bill is because the Democrats have simply failed to govern. I am cautiously optimistic that the House will ultimately pass the Senate bill after this big kabuki bluff session is over, but I am nonetheless disgusted.
I guess I have to list out the reasons why I'm disappointed in terms of what I'm surprised about and what I am not surprised about. In practical terms, we were a nation on the verge of a historic realignment. With a few bad decisions, we now stand poised to let the darkness back in.
First of all, I am not surprised that the GOP followed the strategy of scorched earth opposition. It's a smart move, and don't tell me we wouldn't have done the same had some dynamic GOP candidate been elected in the midst of a shitty economy. I would have advised in favor of it.
I am also not surprised with the congressional leaders. While Pelosi is correct that the Senate is mainly to blame for leaving the House to take tough votes and then hanging them out to dry, if health care goes down, history will note that it stood within a single roll call vote of improving the lives of millions. I won't hesitate to hold her responsible.
It's also not surprising to see the centrists play their usual game of delay, distraction and failure. However, I thought that Jim Webb and Claire McCaskill were better than that. They can forget about getting my support in 2012, and I'm pretty forgiving when it comes to red-state dem independence on certain issues.
But what does surprise me is our president. What still shocks me is that he campaigned on fundamental change, yet he sells his policies like he's half asleep. He then wakes up for half a second, gets the thing just barely back on track and then falls asleep. That is how health care has come within an inch of death and why our one real shot at preventing catastrophic climate change is rapidly slipping away.
I think the President has a lot of talent, and I think he misjudged his popularity and the supposed resilience of the economy. However, I think he still can climb atop his bully pulpit and press once again to deal with our greatest challenges.
However, I have to be honest, I have no idea how to play it if they don't even pass health care. I'm already off the DCCC and DSCC mailing lists, thank God. I know where that money goes: Blanche Lincoln and Mike Ross' pockets. Fuck that.
But I don't even know what to do with my life if we don't get this stuff done. I worked this hard and positioned myself for a policy career on the expectation that Democrats would do better than this, that they wouldn't let this opportunity go to waste. Policy is my life. It's part of who I am.
If they do, I don't know what I'm going to do. What is the point?
What kind of a world is coming to us? One with American decline and climate degradation and human suffering? If so, we have no one to blame but Democrats.