My mother-in-law was a cradle Catholic. In the twenty years I knew her she never once missed Mass. Her faith in god was certain and she lived to serve others, although never in an evangelical way. She rarely spoke of her faith. Although she was very intelligent she was not an educated woman. I'm not sure she even finished fourth grade. She lived her life for and amongst her extended family, only once venturing out of the country shortly after her husband's death.
Many years ago, when my mother-in-law was in her early eighties, two gay men moved into the house next door to her. Although it was cause for some gossip amongst the "old ladies", as she called them, in the neighborhood, there was no noticeable concern. Awhile later one of the men became very ill and died shortly thereafter. A few months later while my mother-in-law and I were taking a walk in the neighborhood I asked her how she thought her neighbor was doing since his partner had died. She stopped me in the middle of the sidewalk, took my arm, looked me straight in the eye and said, "Rene... You wouldn`t believe it... I just can't understand... it's just terrible!! He moved another man into that house! I just can't believe it! He should have waited at least a year before he moved someone else in! Out of respect for his partner! It's just terrible."
You see... she only expected from her neighbor what she expected from everyone else. Respect.
I revisited this conversation over and over again as the debate about gay marriage raged on in my state. I simply don't understand how the issue of respect was so simple for her yet so difficult for so many people, even in a blue state.
My mother-in-law died two years ago today at the age of 91. At her funeral Mass every pew was filled, although most of her peers were long gone. At the reception I realized that most of the people there were the friends of her children and grandchildren. We received several letters from people describing how much she and her husband had touched and warmed their lives. This wonderful woman lived her beliefs every day on this earth.
In days since the election I've come to question how I can effect change in the world. For the first time in my life I've participated in an election. Stepped way out of my boundaries to call strangers, knock on doors, and send money off to people I don't know. The last several days have been cause for some deep soul searching, knowing my opinion differs from the that of the majority. But I haven't been swayed. I know my mother-in-law was right. And my tribute to her will be to raise my daughter in her light and grace.