Dear President Bush:
Please allow me, as a life-long Republican with a PhD in Dictionary Science, to thank you for your unwavering support of the Federal Marriage Amendment.
Yes, I am aware that the amendment did nothing to actually protect anyone's marriage. And I saw that the bill's defenders provided no credible evidence that any marriage or family would be harmed by the provision of equal rights for same-sex couples.
But those aren't the real issues at stake here. What's really important is that you stood up in principled defense of one of the most vulnerable and maligned segments of our society: Definitions.
As I'm sure you know, Mr. President, the definition of a definition is "a statement of the meaning of a word, phrase, or term, as in a dictionary entry".
In the past 200 years, definitions have suffered a horrible fate in this country. It's shocking to witness the violence done upon these fragile word clusters which have been attacked, edited, refined, revised, replaced and otherwise subjected to every indignity imaginable.
If I didn't know better, I'd almost think these crimes were an American tradition. From the violent destruction of the definition of "legally owned slave" in the 1800s to the perverse alteration of the meaning of "voter" and "juror" during the women's suffrage movement of the 1920s, traditional definitions have been under constant attack by liberals.
Do they not understand the Sanctity of Definitions?
Did God himself not invent this Sacred Institution binding two or more words together in a lifelong covenant?
Sad to say, these attacks have continued up to the present day.
With virtually every Supreme Court ruling, the definition of `constitutional' or `unconstitutional' undergoes a change, like a dandelion in the wind. Even the Definition of Marriage has suffered repeated attacks - less than 40 years ago, the extension of marriage rights to inter-racial couples left the definition bloody and bruised.
This, of course, was another assault on the definitions of "illegal" and `civil rights' by the activist courts.
I ask you, Mr. President: when will the violence end?
Yet I have faith in you, Mr. President. I know a principled leader like yourself will not allow definitions to be treated as second-class citizens in their own mother tongue. I know you will not allow mean-spirited attacks of bigotry and prejudice to be committed upon definitions in this country - or for that bigotry to be enshrined in the law of the land.
So, let me thank you again for your effort to protect - not marriage itself - but the Definition of marriage as some people see it. I'm so pleased to see someone stand tall in the Defense of Definitions that I'll be happy to forgive you for attempting to re-define our American Constitution and change the meaning of "liberty and justice for all".
Sincerely,
Francis P. Detweiller
Executive Director, American Society for the Preservation of Definitions
Co-chair, National Definition Defense League
PS. Let me also thank you for changing the title of the Estate Tax to the Death Tax.
I really like the way you re-defined it so that inherited wealth is taxed less than paychecks.