What's scarier than an envelope of anthrax, more threatening than Al Qaeda, more devastating than a category 5 hurricane? Apparently two suburban moms bringing something they call "peace" pies to their Congressional representative. These so called peace pies are actually cryptic symbols of the federal budget disguised as ordinary apple pies. Very devious and threatening. In fact, this is so frightening that congressional staffers will resort to "untruthiness" in order to keep these ruthless ladies away from their elected Congressone. We know of one incidence where the representative was so afraid that she hid in her office having staffers say she wasn't even in town. She wouldn't come out until the ladies had made their point to her surrogate and vacated the premises. Meeting constituents bearing gifts and asking to discuss peace face to face with a Congressone just can't be tolerated. Much too dangerous.
What do these peace ladies want? Why did they resort to the drastic step of bringing pies to their congressional offices on Mother's Day no less? This is very serious my friends. There is a nefarious scheme afoot to change the very culture of America. A world-wide network of security cells are devising plans to bring our country into uncharted waters. They have a plan to create a violence free society through the creation of Departments of Peace throughout the world and specifically in the United States of America. Ghastly! How was this plot to shake up our way of life by building institutions dedicated to changing our minds about war and peace hatched? Could there be an ancient cabal of illuminati determined to undermine the very foundation of our government? Yes! In fact the first group of radical thinkers to propose this idea was supported by none other than President George Washington himself! (I bet you thought I was going to say Bill Clinton, didn't you?) Indeed, these peace extremists have proposed this legislation over 100 times since the founding of our country. Names like Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Rush (signer on the Declaration of Independence) are part of the peace conspiracy. Shocking indeed. Luckily, the legislation has been thwarted time and time again by our elected officials dedicated to keeping America safe and strong through military excursions into defenseless countries and maintaining a military budget more than three times the military spending of the rest of the world combined. These peaceniks want the equivalent of 2 percent of the current military budget to fund a cabinet level US Department of Peace, and they actually want a Secretary of Peace too! Unheard of! Why, we can't afford 2 percent to fund this department and have someone sitting next to the President and the Secretary of War advising our leader on diplomacy, alternatives to violence both domestically and globally. No, our priority must be to aid the richest 1 percent of citizens and corporations with huge tax cuts while cutting aid to the veterans, students, seniors and the middle class. We must use billions of taxpayer dollars wisely to pay no bid private military contractors like Halliburton and Bechtel to deliver unsatisfactory goods and services to our troops. 2 percent indeed. No, these ladies ask too much. We must keep funding the unending war on Iraq at all costs, even if it means our children are saddled with the debt of this war for years to come.
But it doesn't stop at a Department of Peace. No, these harmonious harpies also want a U.S. Peace Academy to train an army of diplomats equipped with state of the art skills in negotiation and non-violent conflict resolution. These "peace soldiers" would immerse themselves in understanding other cultures and languages with the goal to finding avenues of agreement and avoidance of war. They would learn how to de-escalate hostilities and would talk with non governmental organizations and groups representing all sides of an issue. How can these peace nuts expect our highest representatives to stoop to that level? This would be tantamount to treason. Not only that, they want to indoctrinate our children to non-violent conflict resolution, relationship building and kindness training in our schools. They would encourage interaction, understanding and tolerance. Can you believe this idiocy? What would happen to the video game companies I own stock in? Do they want to bankrupt America?
But beware, right now this bill has 74 cosponsors in the house and senate and is gaining more every day. Not only that, 5 countries have taken verifiable steps to create these departments at the highest levels of government. There are communities and cities all over America adopting resolutions in support of this legislation. These peace cells are infiltrating the offices of US Representatives and making them think! They terrorize them with statistics like... "80% of all police runs in Detroit are in response to domestic violence "and " Nuclear arsenals -- those both friendly and hostile to the United States -- are susceptible to terrorist attack or theft." The Dept of Peace would work to reduce domestic and international violence and save money by war avoidance. Ridiculous. Waging war is a proven method for stability and order which is far superior to negotiated peace. These peace preachers are dangerous. No, these women and their peace pies must be stopped.
If you love America, tell your representatives to oppose HR 3760 in the House and 1756 in the Senate. Threaten to not vote for them if they dare to co-sponsor this anti American Department of Peace legislation. Tell them you want them to keep America safe and strong by waging a war on peace. And if you see ladies carrying pies to a congressional office near you, apprehend them, send them to Gitmo and throw away the key before uncontrolled peace breaks out all over the world. To read for yourself what this despicable plan would do to our country, go to www.thepeacealliance.org.