If you live in the western USA, you may have received something like this email from a relative or friend.
Something good about being a True American....I feel it. I hope you do, too!
It is time to change from REDNECK humor to TRUE AMERICAN Humor! Only I don't see it as Humor, but the correct way to LIVE YOUR LIFE ! If you feel the same, pass this on to your True American friends. Ya'll know who ya' are..
The rest of the email continues with 12 ways to tell if you are a TRUE AMERICAN. Check below the fold to find out if you are a TRUE AMERICAN and watch me take the bait...
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."
How do I to respond to this... it's twisted on so many levels. The phrase is tribal code. Do you declare your allegiance to our God? You know which god I'm talking about. He is white, he kicks ass, he takes names. It's visceral because we were all forced in school to publicly repeat this every day to prove our loyalty. It's misleading because the founders of our country never required religious tests.
So is loyalty to God a requirement to be an American? Not that I can see. Want some evidence? There are zero refrences to God in the US Constitution. The two refrences to religion have a distinctly anti-religous flavor.
Article VI: 'no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.'
Amendment I: 'Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.'
So yes it bothers me because it's a big lie. Our founders wrote the constitution to protect us from people who make us repeat this bu**sh**. I score 0 on this one.
(more pledge history)
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
Hmmm.. what's wrong with this sentence. Maybe the trick use of the word 'public' to imply 'government funded'. Maybe the use of 'protested' to imply that disagreement is un-american. Let's just say that I fully support public expressions of religious belief, just not government funded support of any particular one. 0 points again.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
Another strawman the anti-tolerence crowd love to kick. I've actually never called it anything but Christmas. That is the traditional English name. I don't question other English words. In the spirit of tolerence, if you want to call it something else, be my guest. 1 point for me.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays.
Hey I do that and I'm an athiest! I's just a simple sign of respect. I guess maybe I am a TRUE AMERICAN after all. Seems like another tribal strawman to me, but I'l take the point.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
Same deal, another call to tribalism. Except I am patriotic and I do love this country, and I do get emotional during the anthem. So yes, I play along with this public induction but not because I think it's right to force a public display of loyalty. I do it because I respect the tradition of baseball, and America is my team. Go TEAM AMERICA. Another point for me!
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
Gee the strawmen here are so thick, I feel like I'm in the Wizard of Oz. This question is a test, "Were you for the war in Vietnam or agin it?" Were you part of the big block of "My country right or wrongers" or did you think that it was a patriotic obligation to correct an injustice. I was against an un-winnable war, but I never had anything but respect and admiration for those who enlisted or were drafted and served, or those who courageously declined to serve. It was tough on everyone except those who got a deferrment. (Darth Cheny). I'll give myself a half point here.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never burned an American flag.
Another strawman. I've never burned a flag, but I'll fight for your right to do so. What the hell, I'll score it a full point, TRUE AMERICAN don't deal in fine distinctions.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
Yes, I agree. It's especially important to have opinions even if you have no idea of what you are talking about, or if the only evidence you have for you viewpoint is just repeating tribal anecdotes. Even if you know it's not true, you can just ignore the facts. If your opinion feels right, you must be right. It's also quite alright to act on your righteous intentions even they are doomed to failure. If you mean well, it's really not our fault if our good intentions are derailed by evil-doers.
Never in doubt, but often wrong.
Maybe I think it's more american to have a bit of humility. So while I'll fight for your right to be often wrong, I can't say it's a good way to go through life.
1 point for me since I'm not shy about sharing my opinions. But I'll have to deduct half a point since I actually give a shit about them being correct.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
Does this mean that the Chinese are TRUE AMERICANs? Another point for me and 99% of the planet. In fact I can't think of anyone who would disagree with this sentiment. Unless they have to pay for it. Social Security anyone? So can I be a TRUE AMERICAN if I claim respect my elders but refuse to pay for it. This time I get a real point becase I am willing to pay for it.
You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
An interesting question because as a nation we are not actually very generous. Either foreign or domestic. Is this a contradiction? Not if you read carefully. The keyword is 'friend'. Given that all of the preceeding questions seek to separate the true TRUE AMERICAN tribe members from everone else on the planet. I'd read this as 'give your last dollar to a TRUE AMERICAN friend'.
This would explain why the TRUE AMERICAN tribe consistently opposes public spending and foreign aid. Non-friends might benefit. It might explain why the US gives around 0.12 % of our income as foreign aid, less than any other industrial country. (about 14 Billion in non-military aid out of 11,750 Billion Dollar GNP USAID link) It also explains the relatively high rate of charitable giving by TRUE AMERICANs to other TRUE AMERICAN charities and churches. I'm not sure how to score this since I'm happy to give at least a few % of my income to someone who is not my friend. But since I'd also give to a non-friend I'll give myself a 1/2 point.
If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough TRUE AMERICAN in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email.
God Bless the U S A !
Wow does this mean I can be part of the TRUE AMERICAN club if I just parrot this BS. Will this work if I'm also a NATIVE AMERICAN?
Git 'er done!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK enough code. All of the preceeding questions seek to separate the true TRUE AMERICAN tribe members from everone else on the planet. This will make it easier to kill them with a clean conciounce. Seems to me that's the real meaning of this email.
What about you? Are you a TRUE AMERICAN?