Hey it was fun last week and added some notables to my collection! I'll start ...
A woman awakens in the early morning hours with the sense that something is wrong. She notices her husband of many years is not in bed next to her. She then hears the muffled sounds of crying. She goes downstaris, sees the light on in the kitchen and finds her husband sitting at the table sobbing for all he's worth.
She asks, "What's wrong?"
He asks her, "Do you remember when I got you pregnant, your father said I had to marry you or go to prison?"
"Yes, of course," she answers.
"I would be out today!"