Believe me, it was tough. They all have their virtues, but when you dig deep, it is clear they all their flaws as well.
Clinton, experienced, but way too close to the corporate world. Obama, young, fresh voice, voice of change, but will be able to get anything done in the tiger cage of D.C.? Edwards, right on most of the issues, but, well, he's a trial lawyer. Dodd? Great on the constitution, but no real chance. Richardson, Biden, Kucinich, Gravel? So who gets my endorsement?
Below the fold ...
Bill the Cat for President
My decision does not come easily. But BtC has virtually every qualification to be president.
He has a thorough understanding of the issues, due to his extensive reading. Here he is reading an article on Congressional support for the arts.
He is thoughtful, reflecting on the consequences of his actions before taking them.
And he has a deep inner strength in his philosophy of life.
And wouldn't it be nice to have a President more eloquent than our current failed executive?
The cat's most frequent spoken sentiments are "Ack!" and "Thbbbt!" The former is a result of his regularly choking on furballs, the latter sound an approximation of the "raspberry". These statements have often been used in the cartoon as a social indictment of policy or popular opinion in the United States.
But of course, no man (or cat) runs alone. Well, maybe most cats until they get hungry, but BtC will have help. Here, his staff will be virtually unmatched.
Bill's running mate is none other than Opus Penguin.
Opus' moral standing is unmatched among all the major candidates.
He will play many crucial roles in the administration. No other Vice President in the last 50 years has understood global warming to the extent of Mr. Penguin.
As secretary of state, Steve Dallas will have keen insight into the most pressing problems of our time, middle eastern extremists, intent on doing us harm.
As surgeon general, could there be anyone better than Oliver Wendell Jones?
He [Bill the Cat] was raised in Dubuque, Iowa, left for New York to become a film star, leaving his girlfriend, Sally, behind. His film roles include the leads in Orangestoke: The Legend of Bill, Lord of the Monkeys and Terms of Bill's Endearment. During this period, he drank heavily, used illegal drugs, and "free-based Little Friskies", until his friends helped him to recover. On September 30, 1983, Bill drove his Ferrari into a cactus at 140 miles per hour, dying instantly in the crash (the media, not wishing to divulge the true nature of Bill's death, claimed that he died of acne). The only part of Bill that was salvaged from the wreckage was his tongue, which young genius Oliver Wendell Jones used to clone Bill and bring him back to life. In the latter months of 1984, Bill's bid for the American presidency was effectively ruined by his decision to run off and join (and end up leading) the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh cult in Oregon, only to be "rescued" and deprogrammed several weeks later by a humorous application of the Ludovico technique (by forcing him to watch reruns of Leave It To Beaver.)
To fill out his cabinet, Bill has a diverse range of possible choices.
Near the top of his list for Secretary of Defense is Calvin. With National Security Adviser Hobbes, we will be in most capable hands.
As secretary of the treasury, Duke of Doonesbury is the choice. His keen knowledge of fiscal policy makes him the perfect choice.
As Chief of Staff, the pointy haired boss from Dilbert gets the nod.
With his executive experience, running the tech department at a major US conglomerate, the White House should be a piece of cake.
So there you have it. This is one of the most capable administrations in our nations history. In these troubled times, I urge you to give a closer look to Bill the Cat. He's worth it.
And no, I am not in any way affiliated to the campaign. Just an ardent admirer.