You might think it would be hard for a lightly regarded dKos blogger to get an interview with the president of the United States, but it seems that The Decider’s schedule is not too busy these days.
I called the White House Press Office with little hope of success, but found the President’s team enthusiastic about the possibility. They had scheduled an interview with a journalist from a rural Armenian newsletter two months ago, but it turns out that Georgi Prestanarian partied in Georgetown for three days and returned to his country without bothering to stop by to talk to Bush.
The Republican establishment has traditionally taken a dim view of dKos bloggers, with McCain’s spokesmen deriding them as living in their mother’s basement. But I found Dana more than accommodating. "You could come to the Oval Office if you have time, or the President could come by your place anytime, as long as it wouldn’t be inconvenient for your Mom," she said.
With Bush anxious to get on the record about his legacy, I welcomed him to the basement. He was very polite to Mom, and thanked her repeatedly for the Cheetos. She apologized for the unfinished concrete floor and the laundry on the line.
"How’s the Library thing going?" I asked.
"I’m having to cut back a liddle in that area – to reflect the hawd times being experienced by average Americans," Bush said. "I’ve asked the people at the City Dump in Crawford to start savin' discarded ice chests. The plastic and metal ones pile up real nice to make a liddle room. But the foam ones get squished when you try to put wooden pallets on top for a roof."
"Where will the Library be located now?"
"Well, I don’t see any reason to move the coolers very far from the Crawford Dump. One thing we want to do is raise money to buy a new gate, so folks can visit the Library when the Dump is closed."
"Where will you store all the documents from your administration?"
"Well, it isn’t like there is really that much good stuff. They won’t let me burn them, but the nice people at the dump say I can use their tractor to bury stuff."
"What do you consider to be your main accomplishments?"
"Well, people used to look at me – a lay-about drunk in my 40s – and they would say, 'He'll always be in his dad’s shadow – never amount to nothin'.' Well, I tell you. I've run up five trillion dollars on someone else’s credit card. No one in the history of the world has ever accomplished that – not Genghis Khan, not Julius Caesar, not any of those other old Greek fellers."
"Also, I got Saddam’s head to take up to New Haven to put in the Skull and Bones deal. It’s in the basement of the White House now, but I got to remember to move it. Laura is onto me about it."
"Why did you go after Saddam, and not Osama bin Laden?"
"Well, we have some fairly specific architecture limitations and space issues up in New Haven, and a guy with three names really wouldn’t fit in."
"Anything else?"
"Well, I picked Dick Cheney as my vice president. My Dad always told me, pick someone who is going to make you look good. I went after Cheney for that reason. Looking at Dick’s approval ratings, you got to admit I'm right. I’m still popular by comparison. Don’t know if anyone other than Cheney could have really delivered."
"What do you think about the election?"
"Well, you can fool the American people easy enough. I’m living proof. But if you can’t fake sincerity, you are really done for. I beat McCain. Does that tell you anything?"