Look, I just can't do this thing. I mean, I really didn't think I would actually WIN in the primary. And I thought for sure that if I did, I'd be facing Hillary, not this guy. I'm even thinking of voting for him myself, by gosh. I'm starting to notice ya know, world's starting to look ... well, bad, ya know? Wars, the economy, and I don't want to be in charge. I thought it'd be a cake walk, but it's startin' to look like I might have to work. And talk to people. And learn new things.
So whaddya think I should do?
Him: Ya know, buddy? Really I just want to play golf and go on that world tour Cindy and I been lookin' foward to. Who needs this rule-the-world crap?
Second-rate political advisor: Well, Senator McCain, you could try picking a really loose-ball cannon for a VP who is so obviously disqualified that you are sure to lose.
Him: OK, yeah, that'll do the trick. What's a really weird state that no one pays any attention to? I'll pick a first-term governor. Palin! She's perfect! She talks like a high-school cheerleader, has never been out of the country -- no one will take her seriously.
Second-rate political advisor: Good choice Senator. I've never heard of her, and she's got that "Bridge to Nowhere" thing hanging around her neck. That'll sink both ya good. You're gonna then lose the female vote, because they'll be so PO'ed that you chose such an obviously unqualified female compared to Hill.
Him: WTF? What happened? Don't they KNOW how unqualified this woman is? But everywhere she goes they LOVE her? What happened?
Second-rate political advisor: Well, the thing to do is to keep her out of the spotlight then, Senator. Keep going out there yourself and puttin' them to sleep. Folks'll forget her.
Him: Wait! That didn't work! Now I'm being called a chauvinist and they're demanding to see her!
Second-rate political advisor: How 'bout you wimp out on the debates? Give some lame excuse, like ya gotta job to do, and your people will leave ya in droves ...
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