My head is exploding as I write this—there goes another piece now. I feel like I’m in the plot of that movie where everybody is blind. Except they’re not just blind, they’re deaf and stupid, too.
I mean, how in the bloody freaking hell can anyone discuss Sarah Palin’s qualifications to be Vice President (and ultimately President) as if they actually exist in the real world and not some crazy ass-backwards Planet of the Apes-style alternate universe where we’re all ruled by Neanderthal types who respect only the willful obtuseness that is displayed every day by the Republican presidential ticket? For that matter, how can people conceivably speak about John McCain as if he’s remotely qualified to do anything but watch Matlock reruns and complain about kids on his lawn?
And yet, here I view dozens of post-debate (and post-interview) pundit round-up shows wherein people who are supposedly knowledgeable (about something, I suppose) chat about how this folksy, backwoods dipshit displays her astounding craptitude at...well nothing. The best that anyone can seem to say about her is that she didn’t collapse into a jabbering mass or drool all over herself. The fact that she can read off of a teleprompter or memorize a few talking points does not mean she can make good decisions on important issues, for the love of God!
By all accounts, Sarah Palin is a complete numbskull who has essentially failed at everything. Her terms as mayor were marked by an astounding reliance on federal earmark dollars yet she still managed to rack up $20 million in debt resulting largely from the bizarre and ill-advised decision to invest heavily in expensive, state of the art sports complexes for a town with fewer people than the Mall of America on an average Saturday afternoon. And in her brief time as governor of a state with a population about the size of my college graduating class, Palin has managed to abuse her power to the extent that she is under an ethics investigation (which she is stonewalling with the help of sugardaddy McCain).
As for John McCain, he’s spent 26 years in Washington being wrong about everything. I mean, everything. I’d be shocked if anyone could come up with even a half dozen meaningful issues where McCain made the correct decision. He admits that he’s never been elected Miss Congeniality. To translate, that means he’s a complete asshole. Everyone thinks he’s an asshole. People in his own party frequently discuss on the record, his overwhelming assholery. McCain also admits that he knows nothing about the economy. Forgive me if I think that some rudimentary knowledge about the economy, maybe gleaned from the 26 fucking years that you’ve spent in Washington, or the years you spent chairing the fucking Commerce Committee, hearing about economic issues, might be helpful when you’re going to be expected to make decisions about the American economy, which is currently collapsing into a quivering, mushy blob all over Wall Street, ruining a whole bunch of snazzy Italian loafers.
This is a guy who jokes about bombing other countries and pretty casually states that "there’s going to be other wars"—a statement that would be a guaranteed truth if he ends up in the White House. He’s like a cross between Mr. Magoo and that crazy drill sergeant guy from Full Metal Jacket.
McCain was one of the Keating Five. He freely admits that lobbyists have influenced his decision-making and he has lobbyists running his campaign. He whitewashed the Abramoff scandal as chairman of the Senate Indian Affairs Committee and one of the biggest beneficiaries of that whitewash (Ralph Reed) is now a huge fundraiser for him.
It’s frighteningly obvious that John McCain is ignorant, incompetent, dishonest, reckless, short-tempered, mean-spirited and corrupt.
But people still talk about the guy as if he’s qualified to run the fucking country. I wouldn’t trust John McCain to run a neighborhood lemonade stand!
I feel like I’m the only person who sees these huge fucking elephants in the room. Actually they’re more like giant fucking elephants in an elevator; we’re all crammed in there with them; they make us exceed the weight limit; and the elevator is plummeting to earth at ever increasing speed because of their reckless dipshittery in insisting on climbing into the elevator with us. And yet, everyone else is just standing around, politely chatting about the new wood paneling, the jazzy music or just staring blankly at the blinky numbers.
There’s two fucking huge elephants that are going to kill us all! One of them is old and angry and he’s careening around the elevator smashing everyone and everything to smithereens. The other one is stupid and crazy and she’s running around in circles and bashing her fool head into the walls. Somebody stop the fucking elephants!
Lord help us, we’re all going to die.