The great thing about voting for Barack Obama is that it gives you a rare opportunity as a Democrat: The chance to vote FOR a candidate you believe in instead of merely voting AGAINST some guy who you really don't want to see in power.
This election has a very different, very refreshing feel to it because of our candidate, and despite the attempts of the other side to make this election just as dirty, just as petty and just as small as every one that has preceded it.
However, one thing hasn't changed. You still get to sit back before you cast your vote and think about which person's vote will be canceled out by your vote.
If you're like me, you've got plenty of choices. And you want to pick just the right person. This person should be someone who is basing their vote on the flimsiest, lamest premise. A low-information blowhard who bullies anyone who doesn't agree with him or her.
Here's a few of my best options:
My boss: As I type right now, this guy is having an argument with an Obama-supporting employee, laughing it up about some Drudge story or something Rush said about Obama -- I'm not sure which. He's loud, abrasive and seemingly incapable of understanding why someone could ever support Obama. He views this race as though it were a football game. He's rooting for his guy -- the future of the country be damned.
My hairstylist: Yeah, I know. That's a weird one. She's a sweet person, this lady. Her sister actually did daycare for my son for a while. And then she went off on the most ignorant political rant that I've ever heard in person one day. Democrats aren't real Christians because they kill babies. Obama might be the antichrist. It's the church's duty to guide voters to the right decision. And so on.
My wife's co-worker: This lady is smart. She has wonderful taste in movies, and we talk quite a bit. Then she got a pro-Obama e-mail in her inbox one day and totally went off. She came right out and said that she's not voting for Obama because he's black. This is a woman who is married to a Mexican-American. I don't get it.
My former co-worker: Oh, how I wish I still shared a workspace with this man, because the gloating I am about to miss out on is just heartbreaking. This guy is an unapologetic homophobe who continually makes reference to something called "the democrat party." His triumphalist attitude reminds me of a pre-2006 Karl Rove.
Rich Lowry: Part of me would like nothing more than to pull the lever so hard for Obama that this pundit will be seeing starbursts in his living room for months.
McCain's daughter: The blonde one. The one who said that nobody understands what military families are going through more than her family. Ick.
Sean Hannity: Really, I should just leave Hannity alone. He's been through enough. For months and months he robotically recited the litany of what he calls Barack Obama's troubling associations, hoping and praying that one day John McCain would take his advice and start making an issue of them. And now that McCain has, the strategy has proved a total faceplant for McCain. Even so, this point seems to be lost on Hannity.
Ralph Nader: I assume he'll be voting for himself. But do I really want to waste my vote canceling out another wasted vote?
Joe the Plumber: Enough said. I'm just sick of that guy.
Lou Dobbs: Actually, the ideal thing to do here would be to drive a truckload of Mexican-American voters to the polls and have them cancel out his vote over and over again.
Nash "Does Obama believe in the American flag?" McCabe: Remember her? The textbook bitter-ass voter, who can't see past the phony bullshit of the campaign season to actually think about issues that will impact the direction of our country over the next four years?
Fuck it. My vote will cancel out Nash McCabe's. I'm not going to think up a better way to use my vote than on nullifying her's. Plus she lives in a swing state, so that's like a triple word score.
How about you?