I was born into the Mormon Church into a very large Mormon family. I was spoon fed Mormon Pioneer dogma from the time I was a wee lad. The Romneys and Udalls are 2nd and 3rd cousins to me. I had 29 or so direct ancestors who walked the great plains and settled in the Western mountain valleys in 1847. It was a rich and stoic history of Christian fanaticism that we were all "proud" of at one time.
We regularly visited my relatives in the tight closed-knit Mormon communities of Farmington, New Mexico, Safford and Mesa, Arizona, Salt Lake and Provo, Utah, El Paso, Texas and Colonial Juarez.
Raised on Jello salads and our year supply of food we stored in the basement,I dutifully went to Brigham Young University and was sent as a missionary to France for 2 years wearing my temple garments.
But, I was always obviously gay. A little limp wristed with a distinct lisp that always turned heads, cracked smiles and rolled eyes. Even now it is painful to recall the hostile struggle I faced as a young Gay Mormon.
I was tortured unmercifully until I left my family and church at 24 years old...never to look back on the members and leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ.
I left everything on the road to find myself and reclaim my self respect.
My name is Brahman Colorado and I am a recovering Mormon.
I resigned from the Mormon church 30 years ago. I resigned when I converted a black tribal king and his princess mother from Gabon while on my mission in France. I was denounced and shipped to the far reaches of Brittany for the final months of my mission. It was 1978 and I had broken the mission rules of converting Black people into the Mormon Church in France. It was in my exile in Brittany that I took a gay lover from Wyoming and knew that life would never be the same for me again.
I spent 6 years in therapy recovering from my experiences as a young gay man in a sexually repressed "christian" religion and I know I am not alone. My beautiful partner of the past 11 years was raised in the equally repressive Church of God Holiness, where he endured horrors that only gay brothers and sisters can attest to.
The time for social justice has passed for us. We have lived at the margins of society all our lives and we are confident that our time has come also. Our expectations for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness are not in control of the Bible belt or the Book of Mormon belt anymore. It is a struggle of destiny and dignity for many of us. It is a struggle that many of us will take to our graves too.
The social movements to restore pride and community identity were born out of necessity for the millions of gay Americans who were rejected by their families, churches and communities.
The stark reality and the shockingly painful truth of being cast out of one's family, community and promise of heavenly bliss is sobering to many of the gay young people who are raised in Christian homes...even today.
It is so wrong that I can't even find words or emotions to describe it.
"I guess I am one of the lucky ones..." yeah... those are the words I want to say to all of you.
Tragically,I have seen alot of death, destruction and broken lives along the way though. Too much to recall. Something tells me that "The Church", as a whole, is partially responsible for some of this carnage of gay lives. I have held dying friends who took their fears,sins and tears to the grave, of their lost families and shunned congregations who rejected them, judged them and left them to die alone in hospices or alleys across America away from homes and community. We have collectively never had any closure.
It is an indictment of the Church that even now brings me to great sadness, anger and tears.
In the 1970's, I often thought of running away to San Francisco like so many, to start anew or in open protest. I liked the idea of wearing flowers in my hair and driving across the SF bridge, so the first time I went in 1996, I wore shamrocks,fig leaves, marijuana leaves and bouganvillas that we had picked in Armstrong Woods in Sonoma County. It was thrilling... no one noticed when we descended onto Haight Ashbury.
So... I want to leave you all with a message of hope in the wake of the mean spirited campaign of Proposition 8 in California sponsored and fueled by the equally ignorant and hypocritical Mormon Church:
Learn to love. My partner of 11 years, Johnnie, is a good man. He takes care of me and I of him. We love our children and grandchildren.We love our neighbors and our enemies. We are generous,kind and hard working. We have a large non-traditional family that co-supports each other outside of the auspices of any one man - one woman irony of recent Mormon polygamous notations.
It is a much better family than any dogma of illusory family fantasies that the Mormons can conjure up in their well funded tracts and roted missionary efforts of heterosexual Utah bliss ala Donny and Marie.
Shame on the Prophets of the Mormon church who discriminated against Black people and now gay people. Their legacy is one of ignorance and bigotry. A blotch that is only now beginning to reveal its unenlightened self.
Peace to all the Kossacks and thank you for the opportunity to contribute to Prop 8 and to all the wonderful Democrats we elected this cycle.
We shall overcome.