So, it's finally happened. The last friggin' straw. You will be wronged no longer. Fuck it, man. These idiots can't handle the wicked science you lay down. Dude, your shit is tight, yet they keep coming back to reply. Over and over, they reply. And every time, they say you are wrong. Or maybe - if you're really righteous - the elitist fascist censors have finally chickened out and booted you right off the site, instead of admitting that your personal crusade to track down and correct everyone who has ever disagreed with you in your diaries, in other people's diaries - even outside their window with a bullhorn - is a civil right enshrined in the Constitution. Truth to power, beeatch!
So you're outta here. What next?
Come back under another name?!? GBCW Diary?!?
That's for pussies, man. (Or woman.) Here's what you do.
First, and most important: examine your commitment. You don't want to punk out; that's how they win. Understand that if you're going to take Daily Kos down, it's all-in or nothing. The 800 pound gorilla isn't going to knuckle just because of a couple of whiny posts and emails. Go for the whole enchilada. Or ball of wax. Or gold - actually, just pick your own metaphor, 'cause that will piss off the squares even more. Understand that it will take all your time and money. You are one (or few) against many, but their weakness is their other obligations; their jobs, their families, spouses, children, hobbies, recreation, friends - hell, just about anything. You, on the other hand, must be pure. You must have no time for anything but bringing the rampaging elitists down; that must be your life. You must have no other, because that's the kind of commitment it will take. You must have no life. In fact, just to get motivated, you should from time to time clench your fists and repeat the mantra (for at least 10-15 minutes), "No life but for stopping Daily Kos. I will stop them, for I have no life."
Do this often. And mean it.
Okay, that was the hard part. The rest is easier than you think, but you'll need some help - and some helpful tips, starting with setting up up your own blog (This will be your main weapon):
- Find some nerds (Hint: they were with you in your parent's basement last night, playing Vampire: The Masquerade) and bribe them with promises of reflected glory, or whatever. This isn't about them; it's about you. Which means it's about real Democrats/progressives/liberals/etc. Point being, you don't have time for all the code and that poindexter crap; you have to concentrate on style. Specifically, make it as close in form and function to Daily Krap as possible. Oh, and as the last sentence indicates, jab the kossacks repeatedly with a clever-yet-insulting analogue of their own name! HA! Who's laughing now? (Hint: You are.) But seriously, make it look as much like Diaper Klowns as possible, so that the inevitable mass migration from them to you is smooth and familiar. Only, give it a different name, a name that sets your blog apart from theirs while simultaneously hinting that yours has something theirs does not. Perhaps you could call it Really Free Blog of Freely Freed Freedom, or Free Speech For Realz, Yo! Or, maybe something more personal: Laughing At Markos Every Time We Attack Their Strategy or Democrats Under Markos Beware: Freedom U Can't Kill, Sucka! Of course, the last two are a bit long. You should probably turn them into acronyms.
- Now that you have your own, waaaaay cooler site up and running, contact anyone who hasn't already joined your cause, and let them know the good news. Here's a tip: try going to anyone who ever rec'd anything you ever wrote. They're bound to be dissatisfied with the snobby, exclusionary nazis at Dizzy Kooks,
where anyone can join for free and comment and post diaries and not pay a dime for it and - okay, here's another point: don't be afraid to play it a little fast and loose with the facts. Facts are there to be interpreted. Does the fact that the Dinky Knerd population outstrips your site's population by a factor of one thousand or more mean that their site has more gravitas? Hell, no! It only means they've managed to hoodwink a multitude of lowbrow, uneducated morons like Rocky Anderson, Earl Blumenauer, Debra Bowen, Barbara Boxer, Mark B. Cohen, John Conyers, Jon Corzine, Richard Durbin, Russ Feingold, Bart Gordon, Jennifer Granholm, Christine Gregoire, Tom Harkin, Jane Harman, Steve Kagen, Ted Kennedy, John Kerry, Larry Kissell, Eric Massa, Jim McDermott, Jeff Merkley, Brad Miller, Jim Moran, Chris Murphy, Barack Obama, Frank Pallone, David Paterson, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Andrew Rice, Bill Richardson, Ciro D. Rodriguez, Brian Schweitzer, Chuck Schumer, Louise Slaughter, Ron Sparks, Linda Stender, Ted Strickland, Jon Tester, Henry Waxman, Jim Webb, Anthony Weiner, Robert Wexler, Lynn Woolsey, Jimmy Carter, John Edwards, Bob Kerrey, Eliot Spitzer, Tom Vilsack, Mark Warner, A. Whitney Brown, Michael Moore, Keith Olbermann, Michael Schiavo, Sam Seder, Cindy Sheehan, and science fiction author David Brin. Yeah. Is that the best they've got? You've got true believers, not a bunch of dignitaries, officeholders, commentators and authors. Sheesh.
- Here's the second hardest part. You have to create a culture for your blog, which is just as important as it's content and relevance. For instance, Free Republic has a culture of bloodthirsty, hateful, soulless, repulsive and vile inhumanity. Now, that doesn't mean everyone who blogs there embodies these characteristics, but it does mean that everyone will think they do, thanks to the others who actually do. Thus, it is important to establish your site's culture before it gets hijacked (probably by agents of Markos himself, if not a slew of his sockpuppets. The man has no shame,
with his tireless promotion of Democratic candidates and a progressive agenda remember: see above, vis-à-vis the interpretation of facts). There are several steps involved. Start off by metablogging for six straight months about how much DK sucks, how the man himself is the antichrist, and how you've been wronged. This is also a good opportunity to vent, settle scores with straw men, and avenge every tiny slight perpetrated against you by outing kossacks and/or blasting them. Don't worry; none of those spineless cowards have the balls to face you without the protection of their home turf. That, or they're busy working, feeding and raising their children, having actual physical sex with their lovers, shopping, playing games, or other "life" stuff. Either way, you win. Just keep bashing away. It helps to compile a list (short or long) of dubious malfeasance and repeat it over and over, no matter how flimsy or tenuous the connections are. Legions of soon-to-be-former kossasses will flock to your site, drawn by your righteous message and your courageous decision to flee to another site and rant into your own exclusive echo chamber. That's the theory, anyway. Once you've achieved critical mass, you may then begin to spread the message(s) that started this process in the first place. Just make sure at least one in five return to the vent/settle/out/blast formula.
The next step in culture-creation is tricky. Blogging has been around long enough to have it's own specific, developed culture, so you must put your own twist on it, thus creating your own brand of blogging. For instance, trolls are part of blogging culture. However, at Dummy Klueless', 'trolls' are sketchily divided into varying - and this next part is important - vague and obscure groupings, like 'concern' trolls and 'purity' trolls. Thus, by means of loose definitions and wide application, anyone can be called a troll. Here are some suggestions for further tweaking of existing blog-culture:
- Create a list of 'house rules' that further govern acceptable behavior at your site, but (again, the important part) don't tell anyone what they are. This puts 'newbies' in the awkward position of keeping their head down while they learn the unwritten rules, and trains them to never step a toe out of line. The second and more beneficial effect is that those who have learned the secret code will behave very smugly about it, thus reinforcing the house rules, while also making it more desirable to join the 'in' crowd. But if you do this, make sure to have a few rules only you know about; this insulates you from anyone getting uppity. If they make a play for the throne, slap 'em down with the new rule. Rest assured his/her former peers will happily swarm to rip him/her apart, flush with the possibility of using this new rule to eviscerate their own enemies.
- Add unnecessary steps to posting diaries/comments/replies, complete with a sketchy system of measuring their worth. This doubles as being both easily exploitable and confusing enough to keep the newbies in line. Also, as part of stamping your site with your own brand, don't call them diaries, comments, or replies. Use posts or entries or columns or whatever semi-synonymous terms you can think of so that there is an even more pervasive feeling of a "you" versus a "them."
- Use your own discretion. The important thing is to never let a charismatic, intelligent, new voice sway the herd. Never let the cream rise to the top; you are the top. Don't worry, you'll have plenty of lieutenants doing the heavy lifting in this department, lest they fall back into the unwashed masses.
So, that should get you started. Remember the basics: You are the injured party no matter what so-called "evidence" suggests the contrary; you have no life; everyone who agrees with you is rational and welcome; everyone who doesn't is a tool or a puppet of the DK machine; interpret the facts to support your claims; and always, always, always with the vicious, nasty personal attacks. There's no room for playing nice, here. And don't worry if they start saying you refuse to recognise good taste or boundaries, or that this process has a creepy familiarity to it; that just means you're winning.
And win you shall, until Diarrhea Krass is no more. Then, you can begin to mop up all the other blogs who either oppose you directly (Republican/conservative) or indirectly (Democrat/liberal - let's face it, none of them are any better than Doofus Kos). After that, it's no problem to use your near-monopoly on the internet to launch yourself all the way through the political officeholder pecking order and into the Presidency, where you can begin the process anew, crushing all the benighted fools who continue to tell you that you're wrong, until at last you have complete control, and thus the freedom to let your voice be heard. Isn't democracy awesome? No one will ever censor or ban you, and the best part is, no one will ever dare to disagree with you again.
Especially after you open the reeducation camps.