As you may imagine, this is a particularly difficult diary to write.
I received an email from someone who gave me permission to tell her story. I believe she is registered on Daily Kos and may decide to identify herself and respond to comments.
First, please watch her very brief and stark YouTube presentation. It's called, he wanted what you have.
This was the first email.
Eve,
It's not fancy but it tells the story..My hands were shaking as I
compressed the video I hope it does some good and people wake the f**k
up and begin to shame
our elected officials into giving us what they have..
http://www.youtube.com/...
I needed a bit of clarification and with great reluctance asked a few very difficult questions. I didn't fully understand what she meant by a "grill". I thought I knew, and she explained what I thought she meant. This desperate American citizen put a barbeque grill in the bathroom and died from inhaling carbon monoxide smoke and fumes.
And you can tell from the video, he did this because he feared he would not be able to pay for his insurance premiums and his life saving medications and could not bear to force his family into financial ruin.
This is from another email.
Eve,
He planned his suicide to the day...it was July 29th..HIS insurance
which was Personal Choice was paid up through the 31st of July. Aside
from bi-polar disorder he also had serious back problems and had torn his rotater cuff.
He had been given oxy contin for the back problems and apparently he squirlled
it away. His took the oxy contin and lit a grill , pulled the door of
the bathroom shut. He did not want to be found.alive..The bathroom was
screaming hot and I was lucky it didn't blow up... I found him with my
17 yr old daughter. Personal Choice...what a fucking joke..When I was
employed before we found his last shrink..I actually went to the
benefits admn because I was unable to find a shrink for him. There were
2 in the entire network. One wasn't taking new patients the other...Saw
him for 10 minutes, never bothered to get his name right and when we
left there my husband was more depressed. Any decent Psychiatrist is
running in the other direction from managed care..Please mention
Personal Choice..
Meds...I dont think I remember the names of all of them,,Here's the 4 I do.
Cymbalta
Abilify
Celexa had been tried..
Lithium on and off
And this is the last email. I kept apologizing for asking these intensely personal questions, which this brave woman so graciously answered.
Eve,
Don't worry about the questions.
Stu suffered from bi polar disorder our entire married life. When he decided to kill himself it was very meticulous and he wanted to make sure he would not survive
He took the oxy contin and brought in the grill and lit it...The official cause of death was carbon monoxide poisoning. The grill was to make sure if the drug didn't work
the bbq fumes would work. My daughter and I were at my sisters and he called. At that point he was probably in the bathroom and he asked to speak to my daughter
and he told he he loved her... Two hours later we walked into the house and smelled the fumes.
Theres a lot of history about his treatment, diagnosis thats relevant to our beyond repair health care industry. ESPECIALLY in relation to mental health care. He once ended up in cardiac intensive care because one of the drugs he was taking at the time ( Nardil) did not mix with over the counter cold med This doc was too stupid or too lazy to look up drug interactions on line Again the situation with hc wasn't the cause of his suicide but it was another piece of shit that kept piling on. I didn't know this til recently but my previous boss who knew my husbands condition at the time begged my then boss not to lay me off because she knew that my family depended on my job and health insurance.
How fucked up is that???
I expect to see things getting a whole lot worse for people with mental illnesses. And I have started to see diaries with people cutting back meds because they can't afford
it. And while I will never know this for sure because he went on and off his meds so much. but one of the by products of going off one of his meds was suicidal thoughts. And I worry about folks like him holding on by a thread. As you mentioned we are NEVER going to get single payer universal health care unless we embarrass shame them and dog them . I have no need to be anonymous and if you write a diary I will come forward...Actually I think a diary where you ask me questions would be quite an interesting diary and I would be happy to answer them as best as I could...
If the soulless politicians and their staffers I met in Washington, received the emails I did, maybe they would understand the human suffering their inaction causes.
When we become enraged by the behavior of people like Tom Daschle, our rage is on behalf of Americans citizens just like this man, who though insured with private, for-profit junk insurance, chose death over financial ruin.
As we confront the worst financial catastrophe since the Great Depression, as Americans get laid off in unprecedented numbers and lose their health insurance, how many more Americans will simply give up and do as this man did?
God help us. God help the United States of America. And may God show some mercy to the politicians responsible for this grotesque catastrophe.
Here is a list of every United States Senator, please contact them now.
Here is a link to your representatives by name, please call them now with this simple and clear message.
You have healthcare.
We don't.
We want what you have.
You work for us.
If we don't get what you have, we will take away your job.
All we want is what you have.