Feb. 12, 2008 18:23
Washington, D.C. (FauxNews)
Leading figures in Criminals United, General Crime Syndicates Inc., and La Cosa Nostra, LLP today demanded amnesty from prosecution in exchange for their testimony before a "truth and reconciliation commission".
(more below the fold)
Speaking from the capitol steps, Criminals United spokesman Mark David Chapman said that prosecutions "encourage vengeance and divide the country, setting neighbor against neighbor and friend against friend." He continued, "Prosecution also takes years, is expensive and stressful for victims, witnesses, and defendants, and its frequent failures tend to justify and exonerate horrific acts." Co-spokesman Ted Bundy nodded, apparently in agreement.
La Cosa Nostra, LLP's Vito Corleone also spoke, saying that "we need to get to the bottom of the crime in this nation, to make sure it never happens again. And the best way to do that is to get the truth out. I'm ready to tell the truth, as are all my family. But we can't do that under threat. We want to be reconciled to everyone, and especially to our victims. Please give us the immunity we need to tell the truth and heal America's wounds."
The crime groups noted that Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) recently proposed a "truth and reconciliation commission" to investigate allegations that former Pres. Bush, Vice Pres. Cheney, and others engaged in felony wiretapping, torture, murder, war crimes, obstruction of justice, and other serious crimes. The commission apparently would have the power to grant immunity from prosecution in exchange for testimony. Commented Mr. Chapman, "Sen. Leahy has shown that justice is for everyone, not just for those who take extreme measures to shield themselves from accountability. If a truth and reconciliation commission is good enough for Pres. Bush, it's good enough for us. And not just us, but every criminal in America. After all, why should one murderer get special favors over another? That's not America!"
Neither Sen. Leahy nor former Pres. Bush could be reached for comment.