From around Alton, around the nation, around the world, and up your alley ("Up my alley?" Up yours!")......
Oh jeez, look at what's been done to the place:
I expect a full-court press in getting this place cleaned up before Bill and Michael get back! Make sure you recycle those bottles and cans!
Somebody needs to clean out the car, too:
Cheers and Jeers MONDAY begins presently. And awaaaaaaay we go.........
DISCLAIMER: AAbshier's Cheers and Jeers are not affiliated in any way, shape, or form, with Bill in Portland Maine's Cheers and Jeers. The use of the words JEERS and CHEERS , the swoosh/gong device, pie references, pootie pics, lusty wenches, mattress references, whomps, moist, and flicked peas are all used with permission of Bill in Portland Maine and the members of the C&J Café community. Any further resemblances to BiPM`s Cheers and Jeers are deliberately coincidental. So there.
NOTE: 6 AM is the new 5 AM.
NOTE 2: C&J will return to the front page on Wednesday, after Bill gets back from Key West--so there will be one more guest host tomorrow. Look for C&J in the diary section, and remember: C&J is part of a nutritious breakfast.
Doc's Bad Joke of the Week
(in the gray box so you can avoid it and not miss anything else)
Some quick hits for you:
* Why was the insect kicked out of the wildlife preserve?
* It was a litterbug.
* What did the leopard say when it ate the man?
* That hit the spot.
* Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
* They're trying to get away from the noise.
Katherine Harris: Pure. Comedy. Gold. (Emeritus)
Well lookie who the cat dragged in: (via TPM)
Why it's The Princess, with professional financial bilker and semi-professional Anglophile "Sir" Allen Stanford. Back when she was a Congresscritter, she was part of a Congressional junket to Antigua, which took place around the time Congress was considering a bill cracking down on money laundering overseas in places like, well, Antigua. What a co-inky-dink.
Of course, as I reported back in 2006, it's not the first time our hapless heroine has associated with, ahem, less than savory men. Brent Wilkes, anyone?
All right, that's out of my system. On with the show:
Cheers (or Jeers? BiPM was an Eagle Scout, IIRC) to associating with his own kind. Howdy-Doody-looking nimrod Adam Putnam (R-FL 12)didn't attend President Obama's speech before the joint session of Congress. Media General's headline explains why:
Fla. Lawmaker Misses Obama Speech to Meet With Boy Scouts
Now how could we possibly associate this man with the Boy Scouts?
Never mind. (Note to TBD: You're welcome.) Speaking of headlines we like:
Cheers to the Bloomington (IL) Pantagraph:
Cop makes arrest in bathroom after smelling crack
If the cop had been identified as a Republican in the story, that would have been double bonus points!
Cheers to SCIENCE! To say that President Obama's lifting of the Shrub-era stem cell research ban today has been long-awaited would be an understatement. Stem cell therapy is already showing considerable promise in veterinary medicine, particularly in canine and equine orthopedics. I can't wait to see what we learn, now that Obama is weighing this particular anchor at last!
Jeers to lack of awareness--a cautionary tale for the stimulus plan's infrastructure improvements. In Devon County in Great Britain, workers repainting lane stripes painted over a pile of horse manure. They later claimed that they hadn't noticed the roadside hazard in their rush to finish the job. We should be mindful of this in the United States--after all, we have the R's making a career these days of painting over 8 years' worth of horse manure! (via Dave Barry)
Cheers to hiring the right person for the right job. Most of you know that our not-esteemed former governor, Rod "Goodhair of the North" Blagojevich, has signed a deal to write a book about his governing adventures. But Archpundit has dug up an additional fun fact concerning Jarred Weisfeld, the man Blago hired to be his agent:
Jarred Weisfeld started his career as a Production Assistant for Vh1, where he pitched and sold a show to rap sensation Ol' Dirty Bastard and subsequently became ODB’s manager.
Really, you cannot overstate the sheer cosmic convergence of this hire.
And now, a word from our sponsor:
Jeers to raw political courage. In her latest editorial on Fired Up Missouri, former Senator Jean Carnahan reports:
Just so you know that all the crazies are not on the Republican side of the aisle or even in the Missouri legislature looking for Obama’s original birth certificate, I point you to a Democratic lawmaker in West Virginia.
In want of some accomplishment to report on back home, Rep. Jeff Eldridge this week proposed that his state ban Barbie. That's right, ban Barbie and other twiggy-shaped dolls!
This is where the "more and better Democrats" comes in. Besides, Bratz dolls are far worse role models than Barbie is these days.
Jeers to the latest Aggie joke. While many of we Texans were telling Aggie jokes in the 60s, Texas A&M University was quietly remaking themselves from an often laughed-about land grand institution into what is now widely acknowleged to be a great university. Even now, though, they still get it wrong sometimes:
Bush Excellence Awards Presented
SAT question: Which does not belong with the other? (via Blast Off!)
Sympathetic Cheers to Patty Khuly, DVM. Every one of us that practices general veterinary medicine has had a client like this. Short version: pet comes in with a myriad of problems, but the owner doesn't want to hear about it, and gets nasty when informed of them. (????) Fortunately, we have many, many, more nice clients and nice pets that make up for the bad clients!
Cheers to LTE snark. Those of you who read my Friday column The Alton Weekly Inquirer know that I mine the local papers to find top-choice LTE silliness. It seems I'm not the only one, as this LTE to the Belleville News-Republican Democrat indicates:
I just wanted to thank the editorial staff of the Belleville-News Democrat for allowing letter writer Larry McClintick (fellow Collinsville native) the chance to bring such joy and laughter into my daily paper.
His views are very fair and balanced and they really usher in hope and unity in a time of struggle in our great nation. He speaks without prejudice or hatred and makes me proud to be Collinsville native.
Every American's First Amendment rights are important and I am glad that you print such intelligent and insightful letters -- if I am lucky, two or three times a week.
McClintick has shown me the light. President Barack Obama is a black, Muslim, (let's capitalize Hussein for dramatic effect) a communist/empty suit who is bringing down capitalism and ushering in Marxism.
I have a suggestion. Please print a "best" of Larry McClintick column. Line up his insightful, pro-USA, witty, and profound words of wisdom side by side in Sunday's paper. Let your readers really soak up some "Larry Speak" and let them sound off.
Everyone is entitled to his opinion, but the words should spark conversation and debate. Larry Speak does not.
Derek Dust
Collinsville
I think McClintock was one of my "repeat offenders" from my AWI days. Excellent snark, Derek Dust! Larry McClintock gets a Floyd R. Turbo Award, and with it, the collected speeches of Rush Limbaugh on convenient 78 RPM vinyl records.
Inky says, "hit that reco button--and where's my food?"
Floor's open! What do y'all have to Cheer and Jeer about today?