Cast of Characters
LOBBYIST 1, LOBBYIST 2
Two well-dressed, well-spoken young Republicans who've been dispatched to pay Members of Congress to do the bidding of Blue Cross/Blue Shield, who raised the screenwriter's premium 31% overnight with no reason other than "Because we can."
SENATOR
Senator Spineless N. Democrat, whom the screenwriter has voted for twice.
-- Scene 1 --
A Tuesday afternoon in June, 2009
LOBBYISTS are waiting in reception area of SENATOR's elegantly-appointed, taxpayer-supported office, looking very pleased with themselves
LOBBYIST 1
"This is gonna be a slam-dunk! This blue dog bozo has zero backbone."
LOBBYIST 2 (giggles)
"Yeah, his vote against closing Cheney's Torture Camp proves how susceptible he is to fearmongering. What a fuckwit!"
LOBBYIST 1 (laughs heartily)
"True that! We'll be outta here in plenty of time to catch that charter to Grand Cayman!"
Door opens. LOBBYISTS sashay into SENATOR's office.
LOBBYIST 1 (handing SENATOR a sealed envelope)
"Good to see you, sir! Here's the bottom line on the payoff for your vote against the public option."
LOBBYIST 2 (patting SENATOR on the back)
"And don't forget the campaign contributions for your re-election bid that we may or may not make."
SENATOR (with a wink and a smile )
"I'll see what I can do. Now if you'll please excuse me, I have the people's work to do."
SENATOR shakes hands with LOBBYISTS, closes door behind them, immediately goes to wash hands with anti-bacterial soap, takes a long, hard look at himself in mirror.
-- Scene 2 --
A few weeks later. Long shot of United States Capitol Building. Cut to interior of Senate Chamber. Zoom in on SENATOR voting "Yea" on healthcare reform that includes a public option.
-- Scene 3 --
Later that day. LOBBYISTS are again waiting in SENATOR's office, looking a little disheveled and a lot pissed off. Door opens. LOBBYISTS storm in.
LOBBYIST 1 (shaking, yelling)
"Who the hell do you think you are? We pay you handsomely to serve the interests of Blue Cross/Blue Shield executives."
LOBBYIST 2 (screaming, foaming at the mouth)
"How dare you vote against our ability to bankrupt the stupid taxpayers for our own personal gain when WE OWN YOU ?"
SENATOR (stands up, staring down the LOBBYISTS with unapologetic disdain)
"Actually, the stupid taxpayers own me, and by the way: since when are you corporate whores afraid of a little friendly competition? Now, get the hell out of my sight."
-- Epilogue --
Video montage showing, in order:
President Barack Obama in the Rose Garden, flanked by Bill and Hillary Clinton, signing Healthcare Reform with Public Option into law, then handing the ceremonial pen to Ted Kennedy.
Howard Dean beaming, lauding the President for keeping a campaign promise that got him elected by a landslide – and delivering on a Democratic Party Plank that swept the Blue Team into a majority in both Houses.
Paul Krugman looking really smart, saying, "while this bill doesn't go nearly far enough, there can be no doubt that healthy competition is essential to vibrant capitalism."
Wolf Blitzer scratching his head, muttering, "I guess elections really do have consequences, huh, Gloria?"
Boehner & McConnell weeping, uttering things like "end of the world as we know it" and "we are so fucked" between sobs.
O'Reilly, Hannity and interchangeable FOX bleach-ettes screeching, "the time has come for all good Republicans to kill! Kill! KILL!"
Rush Limbaugh's head exploding – Poof! The camera pans back to see that there is, in fact, no messy brain matter to clean up.
-- The End --