At least, not this one. It reminds me of a marriage that shouldn't have happened. You think,"Finally. I'm done with the horrid, fake, endless go-round of the singles scene and I can settle down and get on with my life." Then, you realize...this wasn't really The One. You have to face the very process you loathe, with which you long ago became exasperated, with no prospect of relief, because you entrusted your future to someone you shouldn't have. They weren't ready for the commitment and you were too ready for it.
This is the story of the modern Democratic Party and LGBT rights, perhaps a necessary divorce.
LGBT people are tired. We have been carrying this burden for a long time, robbed of leaders in many cases by HIV/AIDS and fear. We have been forced to fight first ourselves, then often our families, our churches, our communities, and our government just to be able to simply be who we are, and we are ready for help carrying this fight to the finish line. And we have had a great deal of help from many allies -- and over time more of those allies have been Democrats than Republicans.
Meanwhile, the Democratic Party has been fighting a battle of its own across much of my lifetime, facing many of the same deceptive, divisive, smearing tactics from Republicans that we LGBT folks have experienced repeatedly.
Sometimes kindred spirits spot one another.
The Democratic Party of my adult years has been visibly, starkly different from the Republican Party of my adult years. The Democrats are truly a "big tent" party. There is no purity test for having a D next to one's name on the ballot, and that's why the Democratic Party is so much more diverse and far more grand than the grand old party ever will be. This is why the Democrats win in both Mississippi and Massachusetts. This is why Democratic Party ID well outstrips Republican Party ID -- only married white christians (particularly males) see themselves in the Republican faces; a Democratic face could be anyone, including an out LGBT person.
That big tent Democratic Party isn't all pro-gay. Again...no purity test. And that means that Democrats, as the party they are now, simply can't be expected to carry water for LGBT equality fighters and our allies. Some members are willing and able to help, and that's great. We should continue to work with them, and attempt to cultivate understanding with those who don't yet sympathize with us. Not all members will help, and not all will believe in our equality to the same extent.
Where this relationship went awry is quite simple. Some LGBT people forgot that equality isn't a partisan issue, and bought rhetoric from politicians that led them to believe that we had more heroes than we do. That wasn't realistic, but, given how tired we are of the lifelong nightmare of second-class citizenship, it's understandable. We lost sight of the fact that it's too soon to expect politicians of any stripe to work harder for us than they absolutely HAVE to. For the Democrats' part, as is often the case with politicians, they (including the President) promised more than they may be willing (as a party) and capable (as a legislative majority and an executive, respectively) to deliver. That should have been the expectation from the outset, but like the rest of the nation, many of us LGBT people were inspired by the language of a politician who promised better than politics as usual.
Mary Bonauto of Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD), perhaps our most stunningly successful regional civil rights organization, cites this as part of the continuing tide of equality in New England:
...GLAD has never tied, and never will tie, our community's fortunes to any political party. We have long realized that responsibility for our freedom and equality is primarily in our own hands - and we have to work for it.
We must realize this and take back responsibility for our equality. We have to engage BOTH parties, because some members of both parties (and third parties) welcome the opportunity to discuss equality with us and work with us to make equality reality. "Pro-equality" is not a Democratic concept. It's a human one.
We must continue to press Democrats AND Republicans tirelessly for equality. We must hold Democrats as closely as possible to the promises they have made -- regardless of how inconvenient they find us. We must cultivate relationships with Republican representation, too. Some of them will join Democrats in doing what's right rather than what's convenient. If that were untrue, we would not have as many states with marriage equality in New England as we have.
The fight for equality ultimately our fight. No single party will make it theirs, and we do not have "nowhere else to turn" than the Democratic Party. Maybe some Democrats have tried to cast it as such to keep our finances flowing their way (and maybe some partisan gay folks want badly to believe it), but "LGBT" is not a subset of "Democratic". It is a subset of "human", and we must frame and pursue our struggle as such to win.