By Paul Zamora, Fresno Bee FishOutofWater
Frayed, faded but flying proudly the American flag of Louis and Jessie Haros has drawn dirty looks, knocks on the door and complaints from neighbors and passers-by. Paul Haros, who's returning this week after 9 months in Iraq, gave his parents the flag before his third tour of duty. His father vowed to keep it flying until Paul returned.
"Before he left, he brought the flag over and put it up," Louis Haros said. "I told him I wouldn't take it down until he came back. I didn't realize it would get so bad so quickly, but I'm still leaving it up until he comes home. When people have asked about it, I tell them I understand the importance of the flag, and then I explain why it's still flying," Haros said.
Navy veteran Bryan Walters was so upset about the flag that he confronted Louis Haros so strongly that Haros though he was going to fight. Later Walters returned politely with a new flag.
"I'd been watching the flag fall apart," Walters said. "It had been getting more and more tattered every day, and it was just breaking my heart."
Walters listened to Haros' story about his son, and understands why the flag is still there. But he said he doesn't agree with letting a flag fall apart on a pole, for any reason. Especially when it reminds him of flags he saw damaged in combat.
"When you fly a flag like that, it reminds me of Vietnam, and that's a memory I don't want," Walters said.
But what Mr. Walters forgets is the battles that every military family faces every day at home while a soldier is deployed. Every night thoughts about sniper fire, IEDs and all-too-common non combat related incidents are pushed aside in prayers for safety. They know the good can die young.
Rest in Peace Nicholas George Xiarhos.
Marine Corporal Xiarhos was much loved by family and friends. He served with honor. FishOutofWater
Every day families of deployed soldiers must face the struggles of day-to-day life shorthanded. Paul Haros is finishing 3 tours of duty in the National Guard in Iraq after serving in Desert Storm with the 82 Airborne . Louis Haros served his country for 22 years in the Special Forces and in the Army, doing 2 tours of Viet Nam. However, he is still serving, as a family member of a deployed soldier. Multiple tours of duty In Iraq and Afghanistan have separated families for an accumulated total of years not seen since WWII. Military families are the special forces that support our troops everyday. They are unsung heroes. Pregnant wives with deployed husbands and small children have one of the hardest jobs of all. They deserve our help and support.
Usually, the Army and the Red Cross are very helpful about sending soldiers home to be with their pregnant wives for delivery or when they have a serious problem in pregnancy. Recently, however, cracks have begun to show. A years or two ago a soldiers wife suddenly went into premature labor, 24 weeks pregnant. Fighting against heavy odds, my wife, an obstetrician practicing a half hour from Fort Bragg, did an emergency Cesarean Section to save the baby. With the help of skilled pediatricians, great nursing teams and the grace of God the little girl not only lived, but thrived, after spending weeks in the neonatal ICU.
Recently, this mom showed signs of going into premature labor again. My wife hospitalized her and stabilized her status. She contacted the Red Cross to get the soldier sent home from Iraq. Instead of a positive response the soldier's Commanding officer asked a series of questions about whether his wife really needed him to come home....after she delivered a million dollar baby at 24 weeks last pregnancy. My wife persisted in requesting that he be sent home, but the brass would not let him go.
My wife could not justify hospitalizing the mom indefinitely after she was stabilized, but she needed help at home so that she could stay in bed to keep her pregnancy. Without her husband at home to help with the baby she got up to care for her. Mom's membranes ruptured and she was rushed to the hospital at about 24 weeks gestational age. Somehow, my wife managed to prevent her from going into labor and shipped her to the high risk center at Chapel Hill.
Her husband was finally sent home.
She has been hospitalized for over a month now and the baby's odds of survival have gone way up. Dad has been caring for the baby and all the news is positive. Modern medicine has done a near miracle at a cost of thousands of dollars a day. And Tricare will pick up the cost. I am proud to have supported my wife who has helped save this baby and helped this mom in her time of need.
Other families are not so lucky.
Sometimes, in sleep, Ms. Plumley hears the sound of a single gunshot and startles awake. For a few moments, she is once again standing in the apartment doorway, turning away, looking back to see his blood everywhere.
On Dec. 4, 2007, Sergeant Blaylock visited the V.A. for a second time. An interviewer judged his risk of suicide to be "low."
In the answer to the question, "Is the patient presently at imminent risk for suicide?" the interviewer typed, "No."
During that visit, a doctor prescribed an antidepressant, citalopram, and a sleeping pill, zolpidem. But Sergeant Blaylock stood in the wrong line at the pharmacy and then was running late for work. He was told that the medicines would be mailed to him. They arrived the day after his death.
Sergeant Blaylock's ex wife, his children, and his girlfriend must go on with their lives. Forgiveness is the beginning of recovery.
"I forgive him," Ms. Plumley said recently. "I forgive him because I know it wasn’t him that did it. It was what he was fighting inside. The Jacob I knew would have never in a million years hurt me that way."
Photo By Clinton Gill, Sgt. Jacob Blaylock, seated left, one of four in his Guard unit to commit suicide, at the grave of Sgt. Brandon Wallace. FishOutofWater
Multiple deployments are taking a growing physical and psychological toll on National Guard units and their families. Broken families, depression, PTSD and suicide are symptoms of the burden the troops have borne.
Over the next year, three more soldiers from the 1451st — Sgt. Jeffrey Wilson, Sgt. Roger Parker and Specialist Skip Brinkley — would take their own lives. The four suicides, in a unit of roughly 175 soldiers, make the company an extreme example of what experts see as an alarming trend in the years since the invasion of Iraq.
The number of suicides reported by the Army has risen to the highest level since record-keeping began three decades ago. Last year, there were 192 among active-duty soldiers and soldiers on inactive reserve status, twice as many as in 2003, when the war began.
God bless Jessie and Louis Haros and their tattered flag.
By Eric Paul Zamora The Fresno Bee FishOutofWater
Thank you, Paul Haros and the California National Guard for your service and a job well done. We will not forget you after you come home this week. And thank you to Jessie and Louis Haros and all the families, friends and partners of our troops. You have served too.