Apollo spent the night in my arms, and passed away shortly thereafter at 6:15am PST. Yesterday was a travel day to SoCal from Chicago, O'Hare, and I walked in past midnight. I knew immediately that Apollo might not make it through the night, but I will be forever grateful that I was here to see him through his final moments. The kitty who used to be able to fit in my hand knew that I loved him dearly to the very end.
Twenty years ago, maybe to the day, I walked up to a large cage full of very young kittens in a pet store in Tualatin, Oregon. Too young, really - most probably should have still been with their moms, but that was the way things were commonly done in 1989.
One little kitty came "alive" as I approached the cage .. . animated, excited, mewling, and crawling up the side of the enclosure. This white-and-grey maine coon mix began to climb close and closer to explore me. Along with the fact that this was the kitty who most caught my eye (white-striped, striking, long-hair with deep, deep blue eyes), I guess the "deal" was made for me at that moment. I asked the attendant if this particular kitty exhibited that sort of behavior when anyone else approached, and he said, "no . . never saw him do that before."
He's since followed me from Portland, Oregon, to Seattle to Huntington Beach, California . . . always happy as long I was was there. He fell short of accompanying me on the road to Sandusky, Ohio (will be moving there to take care of my 92-yo Dad) by a little over two weeks.
I could walk up to Apollo and tell him "nose me!", and he would always respond by giving me a great big, cheerful cheek rub with his nose. Apollo always "knew" me and recognized me . . . we were a pair and an inseparable one at that . . . he was always happy as long I was there . . . like no other kitty I've ever had . . . a part of me is gone now.
Apollo always made friends with any other kitty I introduced into the household and they loved him back, but he was always "daddy's boy".
I will wash him now, and prepare my kitty boy for his peaceful respects. I am especially thankful for my impossibly pretty little Chocolate Sealpoint Siamese, Ariachne, who is showing me a lot of affectionate attention . . . it's as if she seems to understand. She's with me now on the edge of the tub as I labor over my baby boy, grateful for the seemingly life-preserving warmth of the water. It fluffs out his perfect fur and Apollo seems young, vital and lion-like again for another moment more.
I have been prepared for this eventuality for a number of years now, and Apollo knew that he never lacked for all the care, attention and affection I could possibly show him. I am amazed at the grieving process, nonetheless, despite all the years of internal preparations I've devoted to this eventual day.
I'll find another little cat, but there will never be another like my once-in-a-lifetime kitty boy, Apollo. He will be dearly, dearly missed.
All composite things are impermanent,
They are subject to birth and death;
Put an end to birth and death,
And there is a blissful tranquility.
- Gatha of Impermanance
Update: I am doing research through my tears now about how I can best give my precious boy a simple Buddhist ceremony here in Huntington Beach. Nam myoho renge kyo.
Update 2: My heartfelt and most sincere thanks to the community I love so well for all your kind words and shared experiences. Please know that it helps. A lot.
Update 3: To prevent the deceased from answering the call upon hearing his "lifename" used by the still-living, it is a Zen custom for the Sensei to contrive a death appellation, called a "kaimyo", which is different from the deceased's lifename. As a Zen Roshi (teacher), I will take it upon myself to bestow the kaimyo "Shinkon Shishi" (Heart Lion) upon my beloved Apollo.
He will forever be known as Heart Lion, "Shinkon Shishi" (中心のライオン). Nam myoho renge kyo.
PS. If my Japanese is a little "off", edits and suggestions will be very welcome.
Update 4: Sooooo many sad and powerful losses. Pets need to live longer . . . it's as simple as that.
Update 5: I have pictures of my kitty - lots of them - but I'm living out of boxes and most of my PCs are packed up for my upcoming relocation. Apollo looked very much like this kitty . . . VERY much.