Today was one lousy day.
I had wanted to go to the Health Care Reform demonstration in Oklahoma City, but I did not. I wanted to go because I feel strongly about healthcare. I have always had a tender spot in my heart for the working poor and for those who are caught in the mess that is helth insurance.
But I had, what to me, felt like shameful decision.
You see, it was a misty day with occasional rain and I was afraid to go. I feel like I am getting a cold, but I hope that it is just allergies; and I was afraid to go because I thought I might get sick. Which is not a really big issue, or at least at one time it would not have felt like one.
You simply get in the car, drive the hour to OKC and if you feel droopy, you come on home or go get something to eat and then come home. Three years ago, I would not have given it a second thought.
But today, I had to decide whether to go or stay. I wanted to go because I am afraid of what is going to happen. I listened to the President's speech and cried when he spoke about insurance mandates, and tax credits for health insurance and triggers and some of the other things. I wondered if, hoped that I had heard wrong. Then I went to a Democratic Party meeting and one of the men there said, "We can't fix it in two months. We have time. We can get something passed and then fix it. Just get something passed." I thought, "Easy for him to say; he probably has Medicare and supplemental insurance. Wonder if his son has insurance? Would he think that way if it were personal rather than theoretical to him?"
So, I wanted to go today because I wanted to tell everyone that we need to do something now. We are #37 in healthcare according to WHO. Cuba is #39. I think we all need to do our part to speak as loudly as we can.
But I stayed home. See, I am unemployed and uninsured and diabetic, so I was afraid to get sick. It is not in my budget put more than one tankful of gasoline a month in my car, so I could not drive there; I would have to hitch a ride and wait for other people even if I did not feel well. And if I got sick, it is not in my budget to go to the doctor and to buy extra medicine. If I get sick, then I can't go do any substitute teaching which is what augments my retirement. (I am only 60 so no Medicare.) When I get sick, it is a financial disaster. I don't worry about the catastrophic illness, I worry about day to day.
So, today, I choose short term survival instead of long term. It is not a pleasant place to be. I am not ashamed, not really, but I am unhappy and not hopeful about the future of healthcare reform. Perhaps, the future is better than I foresee. I hope so, but I am disappointed that I did not do more. If we end up losing on this one, I wanted to know that I have done what I could for the long term. But I chose the short term.
Simple survivlal takes a lot of energy.