Today is my 28th birthday, which is why I suppose I am being more reflective at the moment about my life and where I might be heading. I’ve relocated from a small, strange tourist town in Oregon to Ohio. Neither state fares well as far as employment is concerned, which is what’s been troubling me the most lately.
I currently work as a night auditor for a Columbus hotel. For those of you unfamiliar with hotel staffing, night auditors are a strange combination of maintenance/housekeeper/desk clerk/accountant/concierge/security/ therapist/social worker. As the job title suggests, I always work night shift. This job, like most hospitality industry jobs, does not pay a living wage, in spite of its claim to a ‘shift differential’, which I will discuss in a future diary. Because my small, strange tourist town had a small, strange tourist town economy, I’ve always been a night auditor.
I am one of the only employees without a degree in Hospitality Management or something of a similar nature, and I have attempted to leave this industry for others without success. However, my biggest blocks beyond the unemployment figures in Ohio and having to compete with thousands of frantic OSU grads, are the applications, resumes, and cover letters themselves. The process seems incredibly subjective, never mind the misconceptions people have about history graduates. For example, this hotel’s accounting department opened a position that required an accounting degree or similar experience. I have years of experience as a night auditor, but the people in charge of hiring screened out anyone without an accounting degree. This is obviously their choice and it’s not something that upsets me. High unemployment means employers can be more selective when they screen; I just need to find a way to market my degree past the round file. I also need to do this in such a way that I don’t come off as obnoxious. This is becoming increasingly difficult.
Right. Of course. Because as a history student, I’d have no idea how to call up or research documents and paperwork for inconsistencies. I’d be clueless as to how to take this information and write a report for a specific audience. And if you asked me to present this document, I’d be totally lost.
I’ve considered returning to school to spend vast amounts of money I can’t afford to study subjects I can’t stand to qualify for jobs that will demand any excess income I have will be soaked up by therapy or alcohol, to say nothing of my student loan debt. At some point during this thought process it’ll occur to me how irrational that sounds, but it’s suggested to me every day by well-meaning people. My only response at this point is that I didn’t want to become an engineer or nurse, because I’m not good at those things. More to the point: why would you want someone in those positions who didn’t enjoy their work? K-12 teachers have the same problem and again, people should teach because they love to, not because they majored in English or history and couldn’t market themselves in a climate where marketing matters little. Again, it’s for another diary and I am rambling more than I mean to.
Sometimes I worry I will die in this ridiculous job, a feeling mixed with gratitude that I have one in the first place, mixed further with the knowledge that it took this particular hotel over a month to find someone for the position. Yet, every morning when I leave, I will wait as people file past me with briefcases and coffee, pieces of inane discussions hitting my ears. They clearly have jobs: jobs that make their lives livable and maybe even sane, and I will wonder what I did wrong? They clearly have jobs where being threatened and having management shrug at you isn’t a normal part of your day. Let me be clear about this: I am used to routine abuse from hotel guests. This is considered part of the job, but I actually had someone call the desk and threaten to kill me. Management’s response, and this is a direct quote, “Was the guest being belligerent?” This person was allowed to stay in the hotel.
I am 28 today and I can’t shake the feeling that the aggregate decisions I’ve made over the last decade—including the decision to study history—were terrible ones. I am 28 today and I feel trapped. I applied for a job as a cashier in the cafeteria of a local hospital because the benefits are good and the pay is better. I was required to list my GPA to submit the application. For a cashier job. I’m not surprised and I’m trying hard to be a good human, to not turn sour after years of night shift work and dealing with all that accompanies the texture of the dark. But it’s hard today.