Back when I had a paying job, we talked about compassion fatigue, you know, when you get tired of doing good. I always thought that it was an excuse for people who had no compassion ... now I am not so sure.
First, some background is in order. I am the child of an "illegal" immigrant. My mother crossed the river from Mexico when she was 12 years old. She had a third grade education. My father's family had been in Texas since before it was invaded by Austin and Houston. I have worked with migrant workers, street people, abused women, and political refugees from Central American. I have been a bleeding heart liberal most of my life. I do admit that I flirted with the Young Republicans for a year or two; but, in my defense, I was attracted to the Rockefeller stream, not the Goldwater one. I started doing door to door for George McGovern. So, I have a looong history of being a "naive do-gooder."
But right now, I feel conflicted about things.
In the last year or so, I have become better acquainted with the local Hispanic undocumented population. I do lots of translating and ferrying people around ... and I must admit that sometimes I feel naive. Some of what is really getting me down is translating for two women. One wants to get pregnant and have her baby here before she and her husband go back to Mexico. She has to pay the doctor out of her own pocket to see if she can get pregnant; but once she does, it is on the state Medicaid tab. The other one is 16, pregnant from casual sex. Besides being extremely young, she is completely alone and without resources. She has been adopted by a neighbor who found her crying and by some of the undocumented women who work at McDonald's. They each chip in $10 every payday to help to feed her. I provide transportation and translation. I have, in a round about way, broached the subject of adoption because of her age and circumstances. The universal reaction is confusion: she will have resources once the baby is born since the state will provide for everything. Why would she give it up? Besides, she can always take it take home to her mother.
Part of me really understands wanting your child. Part of me is going crazy trying to understand the thinking that it is OK for the government to provide in these cases, It is almost as if they do not understand that someone, somewhere (you, me) is ultimately paying for the services, not some amorphous entity
I guess what makes it harder to understand is that my own daughter would love to have a baby. But she feels that it would be irresponsible to have one until she can provide. Since she still has two years in her PhD program ... she hears the clock ticking but refuses to do anything until she can provide for the child. And adoption is way beyond her financial means right now.
I worry about the 16 year old girl’s baby and how she will perpetuate the cycle of poverty and ignorance. The most the 16 year old aspires to do is get back to her old part-time job at Arby’s. I hate some of the values that the community seems to espouse. Admittedly, there are some things that I really enjoy ... but others that I simply don't understand.
I wonder how people can so casually plan to have children and expect that the government will provide when I, myself, am unemployed and uninsured and wonder, from month to month, how I will pay for my medicines. And when they would not expect the same thing in their native country.
So I am conflicted and confused. When did I become such a curmudgeon? God, I hope I am not like the anti-immigrant Rethugs but I cannot ignore the way I feel. Is there really such a thing as compassion fatigue? If only things were easy.
Well, thanks for letting me ramble. One of the reasons I like this community.