h/t ScottyUrb
From the Department of You Can't Make This Shit Up . . .
I can just picture it in my mind's eye:
Back in 2005, when the Texas legislature was all het up about keeping Teh Gay out of the matrimonial unions of all of us normal-type people, they locked up all of their best minds together in a room (except the ones that were away in Oklahoma or New Mexico, that is), and then they had those Best Minds In Texas think and think and think -
- and here's what they spent their days thinking about:
Hmmm, if we were to figure out a surefire way to keep Teh Gayz out of the marriage business (but Lord, no, not the weddin' plannin' business!), how would we do it? What's the most surefire, bulletproof, airtight, legally impenetrable language we can come up with to deny the right of legal marriage to people whose very existence makes us squirm with fear and insecurity?
And here's what they came up with, a proposed amendment to the state constitution, to be voted on by the people of Texas:
Sec. 32. MARRIAGE. (a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.
(b) This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.
And that's it. That's the entirety of the amendment. And it passed. So it became law.
Now, that amendment is not exactly your typical legalese sausage that comes out of most legislatures. No sirree, we're talking 100% pure, lean meat here, unadulterated Will Of The People, you betcha.
So - let's take a look and see what this amendment says:
(a) Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman.
Well, that's pretty straightforward. Says only one man and one woman can marry. Not two women and one man - sorry, FLDS - or a dog and a man - thank you, Rick Santorum - but just one man and one woman.
Very clear.
Okay, let's look at the second sentence:
(b) This state or a political subdivision of this state may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.
Hmmm. That's pretty clear, too.
Hmm. This could be a problem.
What this says is, the State of Texas and all of its counties and cities cannot create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.
Hey, but wait! Isn't marriage itself pretty much identical to marriage?
Ooh, I don't like where this is going.
Folks, it's not like this is a 1,900-page healthcare bill we're talking about here. This is, literally, two sentences. And, somehow, the Republic of Texas has, in 22 words, overturned thousands of years of culture and gone ahead and outlawed marriage.
Well -
as long as it applies equally to everybody -
I guess I'm OK with that . . .
Diarist's note: Now, I am pretty certain that this little legal housekeeping matter will be cleaned up pretty quickly. I'm also pretty certain that Massachusetts, where Teh Gayz have been marrying for years, has a significantly lower divorce rate than Texas (PDF file).