Enter time machine
TV Presenter: And on this day November 4, 2012 we take you to an undisclosed location, where we've secured an exclusive interview with the next President of The United States, Zombie Ronald Reagan!
Zombie Reagan: Braaaaaaaiiiinnnns!
TV Presenter: I wouldn't know anything about that, Zombie Reagan! But, tell me! To what do you attribute your successful bid for a totally unconstitutional third term?
Zombie Reagan: Braaaaaaaiiiinnnns!
TV Presenter: Of course you do, Zombie Reagan! Please do me the honor of eating my brains, possibly in conjunction with a fruity Merlot!
Zombie Reagan: Braaaaaaaiiiinnnns!
TV Presenter: Aargh . . . it's a pleasure, Mr. President . . .
Sarah Palin: Oh wow, y'know, he's such a maverick, also, you betcha, with the eating of folks' brains and all, and I wish he'd eat my brains, you betcha . . .
Cameraman: Fat f-ing chance.
Sarah Palin: Shut it, peasant!
(beats cameraman with stick)
Cameraman: Hey, being beaten by a mean woman with a stick! I normally pay good money for that! W00t!
(beating ceases abruptly)
Sarah Palin: Really? How much?
Cameraman: Uh, I mean I don't.
Sarah Palin: Oh, who cares? I'm Queen now!
Cameraman: actually you're . . . argh, my . . . er . . .
Zombie Reagan: Braaaaaaaiiiinnnns!
Cameraman: There you go again.
(falls over)
(cut to room where Barack Obama and George W. Bush, among others, are watching TV)
Barack Obama: You have to be f-ing kidding me.
George W. Bush: What? This guy's great, 'cept I don't understandify his fancy words and stuff.
Barack Obama: What, 'brains'?
George W. Bush (happily): That's the fella!
Barack Obama: You suck, Bush.
George W. Bush: What does that mean?
(Obama snorts sarcastically)
Barack Obama: It means you're a wonderful human being and a devoted follower of Jeebus. You should say "I suck!" to everybody you meet.
George W. Bush: Cool! Hey, everybody! I suck!
Everybody else: WE KNOW!
(cut to preparation for Inaugural speech)
John Paul Stevens: But we can't swear in Zombie Reagan!
Antonin Scalia: Why not?
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Because he's f-ing dead!
Samuel Alito: Typical liberal.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Jesus, don't you guys have any . . .
Zombie Reagan (lurching in): Braaaaaaaiiiinnnns?
Sonia Sotomayor: Run!
(Later, in another room)
Samuel Alito: Alright, Ruth, I take your point. President Palin it is, then.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Man, I want out of this so bad right now . . . tell me, if I resign, will Zombie Reagan be nominated in my place?
Antonin Scalia: NO!
Samuel Alito: No!
Antonin Scalia: Probably not.
Samuel Alito: Maybe not.
Antonin Scalia: It's possible.
Samuel Alito: It's very possible.
(Scalia and Alito consult)
Antonin Scalia: Yes.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: F- it, I'm staying.
Antonin Scalia: OK, but now we have to lock Zombie Reagan in a room full of liberals.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: WHAT?
Samuel Alito: He's our pet Zombie Reagan now. We have to feed him.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: But what about conserv . . . oh yeah, right.
(cut to Inaugural speech of President Sarah Palin)
President Palin: I quit!
(Elsewhere)
President-elect Pelosi: Srsly, WTF?
Vice President-elect Sanders: You're telling me.
President-elect Pelosi: Come on. Let's go and get Roberts to swear me in. After that, you give him a wedgie, and I steal his lunch money.
Joe Lieberman: Hey, everybody! What happened to Zombie Reagan? What a great American!
President-elect Pelosi: Harry!
Harry Reid: But he's with us on everything but the war, healthcare, and eating people's brains!
President-elect Pelosi: Harry?
Harry Reid: Uh. Well. I'll . . . go and sit in the corner and think about what I've done, ma'am.
President-elect Pelosi: Yeah, you do that. Bernie? Let's go f- some shit up.
Vice President-elect Sanders: Yeah, let's go to work.
(Exit time machine)