On Wednesday I published a Diary entitled I Wish She Would Die
Many of you offered the support I needed at a very critical point in my life as my Mom passed away.
Tonight, I thought I would share with you the Eulogy I will be reading during my Mom's funeral on Monday so you can get to know the woman you helped me mourn.
More below the fold
Mom was 83 years old...I am 42, the youngest of three children. Dad passed away 11 years ago. His death while sudden and unexpected was much easier to take, at least it seems that way looking back on it today. I think it seems that it was easier because we were not expecting it, whereas in Mom’s case, we knew it was coming...it was just a matter of when.
Mom suffered from dementia and congestive heart failure among other ailments. She was in constant pain and was very confused in her sunset years. It was difficult and painful for me, Dick and Sandy to watch Mom lose herself.
At times, she mistook Everett for a younger me. At other times, she would remember incidents that happened years ago that were insignificant to everyone but her. As she was writing the final chapter of her life, she was not aware that it was winter. Last Saturday when Ev and I visited her at the nursing home for the final time, she was the picture of physical health. She looked better that day than she had looked in six months. I always tried to bring her flowers when we visited because they always seemed to brighten her day a little bit more than just a visit. She asked me if the flowers I brought were from my garden, even though she could see there was foot of snow still on the ground.
However, we are not here to mourn her passing, we are here to celebrate her life. Mom led a good, but hard life. She grew up dirt poor during The Great Depression, my Grandparents home was a small house, and some would call it a shack, just not around Mom. I cannot imagine raising two children in a home that small let alone thirteen. My Grandparents were very special people, as are my Aunts and Uncles.
During WWII Mom moved from Bridgeport to Madison to live with Aunt Marguerite and to become a "Rosie the Riveter" at Ray-O-Vac making batteries for the war effort. After the war, she met my Dad, a returning Navy Veteran. They married and had Dick and Sandy in the fifties...the perfect family of four...then came 1967...and did I ever surprise everyone. Dick and Sandy have yet to thank me, for the color TV Mom and Dad bought for them because I was coming into the world. You are both welcome by the way.
After I was born my Mom suffered deep bouts of depression. It was not until she went through electro-shock therapy that we got Mom back. Those treatments saved her life. After that I lived in constant amazement of her abilities to make something out of nothing, she could take a picture out of a magazine and put it on a piece of wood and make it into artwork. With cake batter and frosting she could make the most beautiful wedding and birthday cakes...and the occasional naughty cake for a bachelor or bachelorette party (adults can ask Sandy about that one) you just never wanted to help her deliver a cake, it was the most nerve racking thing you could ever do.
She never stopped learning. When she took a job at the Vanilla Bean, she learned everything she could about making candy. When I was in the Army, I was the most popular guy in the barracks when a care package would arrive. Mom always put enough homemade candy and cookies in the package for the entire platoon, which was about fifty men.
I will never forget the phone call I got in 1988 while stationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky. I was the Staff Duty Driver at Battalion Headquarters that night. Normally as Staff Duty Driver all you do is sit around trying to stay awake for 24 hours straight. Occasionally though you will get a call from the Red Cross about a fellow trooper whose family member is sick, injured or has passed away and you will have to inform that soldier that he had a Red Cross call. That night Sgt. Pena answered the phone, looked at me and handed me the phone. I was puzzled. I answered the phone "Corporal Andersen speaking, this line is unsecure, how may I help you." The red Cross woman said "Go ahead sir." My Dad was on the other end of the line. He was so choked up he could not talk. I had no idea what could possibly be wrong. Sandy finally came on the phone to tell me that Mom had breast cancer. I told Sgt. Pena and he sent me home on emergency leave that very instant. I expected to visit Mom in the hospital; however, after my eight hour drive from Kentucky to Wisconsin I walked in the door of what I thought would be an empty house only to find Mom sitting in her chair in the corner, not even looking like she had just had major surgery. A couple things I remember most about Mom’s cancer diagnoses was that Dad was more concerned about it than Mom was. He loved her more than anything in this world they were soul mates. Well, that and when I came home on leave a few months later and Mom says to me..."Want to see my boob?" Before I could screech out "NO!" she tossed her prosthetic boob into my lap. She had a good laugh...I was scarred for life.
Mom and Dad belonged to a card club for many, many years. I always found it funny that Dad would drink and Mom never touched alcohol. Yet, Mom always had the hangover the next day.
Mom loved animals, every dog we had was like a fourth child to her. All of the dogs had personalities too. Pixie would get mad at Mom if Sandy gave Pixie a bath. Andy...Andy took the cake though...one morning Andy had caught a squirrel in the front yard and laid it at Mom’s feet at the front door. Which kind of freaked Mom out, after she got my Dad to get the still twitching squirrel out of the house she scolded Andy. Andy did not forget being scolded for bringing Mom what he thought was a fine gift. Mom used to leave her purse behind Dad’s recliner. Later that afternoon...Mom went to get her purse. Andy, he had to have aimed...he had pooped into her open purse. Dad and I had to hide that poor dog in the garage for about a week. Eventually he was forgiven. When died he used what strength he had to crawl across the floor of the Vet’s office, his tail wagging as if to say "I am OK Mom" he then died in her arms. He may have been my Dog, but he loved Mom.
Mom was a compassionate woman, and would do anything to help anyone. Even if a person had wronged Mom, she never held a grudge and would always forgive. That is one of the greatest gifts that Mom gave Dick, Sandy and myself, her compassion and her ability to forgive. The philosopher Kierkegaard once said, "Life, must be lived forward, but can only be understood backwards." I ask each of you to live your lives forward, yet take the time to look backwards at my Mom’s life and learn from it, if everyone were as compassionate and forgiving as Mom, then the world would be a better place for all of us.
Update - again, thank you all for your support and the Rec list...I really do appreciate it. My only regret out of this whole thing is that my Mom wanted me to read one of my short stories to her...she passed away just as I was pulling one up on my laptop to read to her. I will be putting a copy of the story I wrote in her casket for her.