So, WYFP?
What? You haven't gotten over being suckered in two days ago?
WYFP? No sense of humor? Or do you just not like cats?
You think you got problems?
Best April Fools joke ever played on me, and it wasn't even April 1st: I went into my bathroom to sit on the pot, and when I finished my business I reached for the T.P.
It wouldn't roll off. It was like it had gotten all wet and got all stuck together or something. Naturally, there was no spare roll (I should have gotten a clue right there), so I pulled and clawed and swore and finally got enough of a wad to make an initial wipe.
I came out screaming, only to meet my wife and son who were in paroxysm of laughter, tears of glee streaming down their cheeks.
It was a gag TP roll, a novelty, all glued together. They got me good.
So, WYFP? You think you got problems?
On this date in 1882, this feller got shot in the back.
On this date in 1996, then-acting Secretary of Commerce Ron Brown and 34 other fine people bought the farm in an airplane crash.
On the happier side [what the frick's happy (?) doing in WYFP you might ask], on this date in 1973 Martin Cooper busted out what was to develop into the cellphone. A day that shall live in inphaphoniomousness.
On this date, April 3 any year, I can't recall that anything especial bad happened to me. Nor can I recall that anything especially good happened to me.
Now, according to my calendar, yesterday was sumpin colloquially called Good Friday, when way back time ago, some feller out of some kind of history got his azz strung up and crucified. And we call that Good. Huh. But here's the real good news (according to others): he didn't die, actually, 'cause just a couple of days later he come back to life and ressurrected and assended and rolled away the stone an' all that, not necessarily in that order, and he done said that he'd be comin' back some day, but we're still waiting.
Boy howdy, if he ever does show up, I wouldn't want his problems.
Well, happy Egg Roll everybody. May All Your Chocolate Eggs be Nutless.
OK, now that I think about it, something bad did happen to me around this time, uncountable years ago. It was like this:
I was about, I dunno, 12 years old, and I went out to the Easter Egg hunt at the local fairgrounds. But I was the oldest kid there, and so I got held back when the start sounded. All the little kids got to go in front of me, so by the time I was let go there wasn't an egg left on the field. I was bummed.
They gave me a couple of plastic eggs in consolation, and I pedaled my bicycle home vowing I'd never be so humiliated again.
But that didn't keep me from hiding easter eggs later on for my friend's kids. One of my favorite tricks was to put a $5 bill in a hollow plastic egg and hide it real good. It was a triumph of my soul when the winning kid finally found it, 'cause believe you me I hid it good.
So..... What's Your F'ing Problem today? Go ahead, bleed on me. I'm here for you.
But first,
A preacher and a politician were walking down the sidewalk one day, both with their heads in their papers. The preacher was studying his sermon, and the politician was studying his speech. They collided, and their papers got all mixed up. Excusing and politely apologizing for themselves to each other, they gathered their papers off the sidewalk, trying to make sense of it all. That was when the preacher said "Hey. You got government in my religion." The politician said "Hey. You got religion in my government." They both looked at each other for a moment and then said "Eee-yuch!"
(With apologies to Reese's Peanut Butter Cups TM)
p.s. Catz rul!
Update: Obligatory THANK YOU! for getting this to the Rec List. First time ever for me. I am jazzed!