Reports are surfacing that the man sent to prison for 150 years for defrauding hundreds of investors of $65 billion was not, in fact, mastermind Bernie Madoff but an imposter Madoff hired to take the fall on his behalf.
Americans across the country are appalled. "What the f*ck?" asked Drew Armarmarger, emptying his pockets to pay for gas money in Boca Raton, FL. "If you're convicted of the crime, you should do the time."
"It's horrifying," said Josefina Moran of Altoona, PA. "What if he strikes again? Our economy can't take any more madmen like this running free," Armarmarger exclaimed, clutching her purse tight to her chest.
Facebook and Twitter are afire with calls for investigations. "We will be responding," announced Sergeant Tim Tratum, the New York Police Department officer in charge of making sure that the people who are convicted of crimes are the ones who actually physically get locked behind bars. In a rare moment of humility from the NYPD, Tratum said, "We're feeling kind of stupid here."
There have been conflicting reports that the real Madoff is now either running a new scam of nationwide check cashing stores or serving as an advisor to Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner.
The news of Madoff's evasion of prison is popping up in other news stories. Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir, indicted for war crimes and destined for incarceration himself, declared, "Awesome! That dude is my hero!" And beleaguered golf superstar Tiger Woods, who must have wished for his own imposter in recent months, expressed not jealousy but disdain. "Y'all in the media are covering what I did 24/7 and meanwhile let this slide by? What the f*ck?"
Actually... this didn't happen, but Pfizer escaped criminal culpability by creating a shell company to take the blame. Read the story here: http://movementvision.org/...