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Over the years I've gotten a reputation for being... dare I say... ribald.

It started with the dildo heard squirming throughout the blogosphere and has passed through many other diaries of dubious daintosity.

But NOTHING - I mean NOTHING - will compare to the hot, unrepentant screwing that will be written about in THIS here diary. And not just the AVERAGE kind of screwing that you'll find in most missionary-safe states like Georgia and Mississippi. No, we're talking... (looks over both shoulders)... girl on girl screwing.

So, check your kids at the door and send your morals to bed, because... its about to get gn'asty.

So, what happens if you're a HETROsexual person who falls head over heels in love with another HETROsexual person from a FOREIGN COUNTRY? Well as long as that FOREIGN person has a work visa... your HETROsexual relationship can continue, on American soil, no questions asked. OK, but eventually the visa runs out, what then? Well, hopefully the FOREIGN HETROsexual can get a green card (and again love at home is saved). But green cards are increasingly hard to get. So... the HETROsexuals lovers are shit out of love, right? Of course not, as we all know from a multitude of crappy-ass romantic comedies... all this HETEROsexual couple has to do is... go get married. (Oh, Gerard Depardieu how we miss you!)

But lets say you're a... (looks over both shoulders)... HOMOsexual woman who falls for another HOMOsexual woman with an accent and a foreign passport... and the work visa runs out... and the green card never comes.

Well, then, you are, in a word, FUCKED (see, I told you they'd get screwed.).

No options here. Either you BREAK UP or you LEAVE THE COUNTRY.

Now -- you say to yourself -- fixing this means tackling the whole... (looks over both shoulders)... GAY MARRIAGE leads to PEOPLE HAVING SEX WITH PLOW HORSES slippery slope and that will take DECADES to undo, right?

Wrong.

May I introduce you to HR 1024 or the Uniting American Families Act which avoids the whole "what do we call this relationship" thing and...

...eliminate(s) discrimination in the immigration laws by permitting permanent partners of United States citizens and lawful permanent residents to obtain lawful permanent resident status in the same manner as spouses of citizens and lawful permanent residents and to penalize immigration fraud in connection with permanent partnerships.

(and now we momentarily put all snark away to say... of all the many indignities that gay men and women currently endure, asking them to choose between love and country seems one of the most stark. And this bill would not change "definitions" or "sanction morality", it would simply allow people who love each other to STAY TOGETHER, while simultaneously instituting safeguards to protect against fraud.)

So, if you've got a moment today or tomorrow... call someone.

Call Representative Jerry Nadler (sponsor in the house) .

Call Congressman Pat Lahey (sponsor in the Senate).

Call one of the 144 co-sponsors (121 house/23 Senate).

CALL ANYONE.

Tell them to pass the Uniting American Families Act, because if you don't, soon all the lesbians will be forced to LEAVE THE COUNTRY and then who will entertain republicans at sex clubs throughout America?

****

This diary is the result of smellybeast winning the Netroots 2010 auction to make me her personal diary puppet for the day. So, if you'd please, rec it up and give her some dap.

Originally posted to SYFPH on Thu Apr 15, 2010 at 11:00 AM PDT.

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