The constant refrain I'm seeing in the media about the teens who committed suicide because of bullying is that yes, this is bad, but it's not just gays. Bullying and suicides happen to everyone. Let's make one thing clear: when bullies drive a member of an already oppressed minority to suicide, it does matter. Some may not like it but in fact the issue is absolutely the fact that they are oppressed and even more easily bullied and attacked because of their orientation.
Do others who are bullied have laws against them? I can't think of any. Do others have institutional stigma placed against them by society, churches, government, media and even their own families? You tell me. It is very rough being bullied for any reason, but there is no overlooking the fact that LGBT suicide due to bullying is very, very high and always has been.
Multiple studies in the United States and abroad have shown that lesbian, gay and bisexual adolescents attempt suicide at a rate three to six times that of comparably aged heterosexual youth.
It's important to note that kids who feel rejected by their families because of their orientation attempt suicide at higher rates as well. This is another factor that makes LGBT suicides unique. Family rejection of LGBT people is a real possibility while family rejection of other teens may happen but it's not a real stressor that everyone deals with. We have to face this very real possibility with every member of our family, and our friends, all the time.
Of the 4,167 students surveyed, 3.8 percent identified themselves as gay, lesbian, bisexual or unsure of their sexual orientation. Researchers found these students were 3.41 times as likely to report a suicide attempt within the previous year as were heterosexual students. The number rose significantly when only young men were considered. In the overall population, boys tend to commit suicide more often than girls, the American Academy of Pediatrics says.
Dr. David H. Kaplan, a pediatrics professor at the University of Colorado School of Medicine who is charged with revising the academy's teen-age suicide policy, believes that solutions are fundamental. "It is about engaging kids and making them feel that they really matter and their thoughts really matter," Dr. Kaplan said. "There is lots of homophobia these days, but those kids in a more accepting environment do a lot better than those kids seen as freaks."
The issue is acceptance. The issue is that people in society, in our homes, in our governments find us so reprehensible that not only do they bully us every day (with institutional backing) but they wholeheartedly reject us, because of our orientations. Get those institutions to accept us and you'll begin to fix the problem.
We simply can't wrap all this up in "fair and balanced" talk of "it's not just gays." We have to address LGBT bullying as a separate and more egregious form of bullying because its effects run deeper than the bullying of any majority group and its institutional support makes it more prevalent and simply, easier to do. It is not "just" gays but that's not the whole story. We can't ignore the myriad reasons why bullying LGBT people is so much easier. We can't ignore the institutional stigma against LGBT people that simply don't exist for a lot of other groups.
I don't pretend to know the psychology behind everyone who's ever been suicidal but I do know that in the long-run, LGBT people have a bleaker view, and rightly so. Things will change for almost every other group but it seems like no matter what LGBT people do, we always face the same stigmas and society isn't willing to change, the government isn't willing to change. Every kid born up until now and probably well after today will have to grow up knowing that their marriage isn't accepted. They'll have to wonder if it will ever be legal for them to serve openly in the military. They'll have to wonder if churches and politicians will use their orientations for hateful reasons forever... or just for the next few decades. They'll have to grow up in fear every day of rejection by their family and friends. Fear of being bullied in school. Fear of being outed. Fear of antigay school policies which might work against them.
Every day, these kids will have to be aware of everything. They'll have to be guarded, to watch people closely. Listen to every comment their friends or family might make about gay issues. Cringe every time a gay news story comes on TV when their parents are around. And will they ever fall in love? They'll have to watch closely, carefully, for signs that someone is gay. Growing up gay, you have to learn tons of mind games. You have to learn to lie. You're the best liar you know, and then you feel sick because you hate yourself. You hate your orientation. You hate not getting accepted. You hate lying. All the time. You'd trade anything for an honest moment.
This is what you live with, every day. This is what kids growing up now, perhaps even kids born this minute, have to live with every day. And who knows if it'll change or not?
So let's not pretend that we can't address LGBT suicides on their own and we just have to include other people's suicides, too. We will do LGBT teens a real disservice and we'll ignore all the issues associated with LGBT suicide in order to be more "fair and balanced." That's not what we should want to do.