Cross-posted from my personal diary, most of which is not relevant to the subject matter of this site. This entry, however, seemed appropriate to bring over.
So this evening I wound up being ambushed by a message on Facebook in response to the status message I posted today. My status message read as follows:
I was pleased to see that I was not the only one wearing purple at work today.
I was, of course, referring to the fact that today, October 20, was "Spirit Day," where people were urged to wear purple to commemorate the recent deaths of bullied gay students and to raise consciousness about the bullying problem. I phrased it the way I did because, living in the highly-conservative area that I do, I honestly expected to be the only person participating today.
I go off and mind my own business for a couple of hours, and when I come back there's a Facebook message waiting in my inbox from my older cousin, a post-doc student who I think has made it his mission in life to piss in as many people's cornflakes as possible. Seriously, I don't think I've ever seen him say anything nice or particularly positive online to pretty much anyone. I'm really not sure how his wife can stand more than a few seconds of him before opting for Murder 1. His message reads as follows:
Bullying in schools has been a problem for a very, very, very long time. People have been killing themselves over it for years. Why does it take a homosexual being killed by a Iranian Muslim and his Asian Atheist girlfriend to get people to pay attention, and when they do so, why do they do so in a bigoted fashion and only stand up for the homosexuals?
Okay... this could have been the hook for a spirited debate. I honestly do love debating... trying to win someone over to my opinion, or at the very least let them see my point of view through the power of words is an intoxicating feeling. And usually I have fun with the debate and don't let it get to me too much.
But when I debate with this particular cousin, I always end up feeling sick to my stomach and twisted up inside. He always uses arguments that come off as thinly veiled attacks, and uses vague enough language that if i call him on it he can disavow. For example, he used a really bad straw-man argument against me one time when we were debating atheism, but when I called him on it, he denied it and was able to back up his denial with the intentionally vague way in which he stated it. He's also a fucking smug snake. He assumes that since he's a post-doc (in computer science, to be precise) that he automatically knows everything about everything and makes statements of opinion and broad generalizations (often not-so-well-constructed ones at that) as fact and refuses to back down even after i've shown him the problems with his reasoning. He just bull-headedly reasserts his assertions.
But what really set me off this time was his usage of the word "bigoted." He's used it in the past, and in fact uses it rather often to describe people he disagrees with, most notably in that self-same debate about atheism, and it has provoked similarly visceral responses in my gut whenever he uses it. In any event, I couldn't let it roll off. I had to respond. My response was as follows:
To begin with, this isn't about a single incident of a gay person being killed. This is also about the recent rash of suicides connected with bullying of gay people.
Secondly, I am perfectly aware that bullying is a much larger problem than just the bullying of gay people, and yes, this particular event did originate specifically with the bullying of gay people in mind, but if that helps to raise awareness and consciousness of bullying in general, then really... what the bloody hell is it going to hurt?
Third, we are not standing up only for gay people. We are standing up most outwardly for gay people because of the recent events. We are also standing up most especially for gay people because a blind eye is more often turned toward the bullying directed at them and even after they leave school they are still treated as second-class citizens by many people in this nation.
Fourth, have you heard about "It Gets Better?" That's something geared toward all the kids suffering from bullying and other problems, trying to give them hope. So don't tell me that the heterosexual kids are being ignored.
Finally, you've really got some nerve as a white, Christian, heterosexual adult male talking about bigotry. You are in the privileged group on all counts. Seriously, when you use that word it makes me positively sick to my stomach, and you trot it out SO quickly and SO often that it really makes me wonder if you realize how good you've really got it. When you have honestly had to deal with fear to reveal a significant part of yourself to the rest of the world at large because they might look at you as some sort of subhuman monster, then you can talk to me about bigotry.
No response from him as yet, but I'm dreading how he's going to choose to twist my words around and make me the bad guy again...
UPDATE
First of all, big thank yous to everyone for the upwelling of positive support! It's been really helpful in making me feel a bit more at ease with this event.
Unfortunately, he just sent his response, and kind of succeeded in making me feel like the bad guy again... Response follows:
First, I'm a bit disappointed you're getting hot under the collar and trying to make this into a personal attack. FYI, I was an atheist during my K-12 years in a predominantly Christian and anti-atheist environment. I'm currently a Christian in a predominantly atheist environment. I've been bullied all my life, physically threatened, and even had knives pulled on me.
But yes, I do have it good. As do homosexuals, who per capita have a higher level of educational attainment, higher levels of income, and more political clout per capita than any other demographic qualifier in the US.
But this is all immaterial. Bigotry is bigotry. It really, really sucks that homosexuals get bullied. They don't deserve it. No one does. What ticks me off is that no one gives a shit that people are getting shot in inner city Chicago, that kids are being roughed up for not doing drugs, for being the wrong color, or for just being smart.
No one gives a damn about these people, but the moment an upper middle class kid who just happens to be homosexual gets targeted, the whole liberal political structure goes crazy. And I know there have been several cases of gays recently committing suicide, and I'm 100% a support structure to prevent that.
But where were you when this was happening to kids in Chicago? Detroit? NYC? DC? St. Louis? Where were you when kids were getting roughed up and killing themselves over bullying in Los Angeles?
THIS is what ticks me off, and like it or not it is bigotry. I'm not accusing you specifically of being a bigot, I'm sure you would have bandwagoned on whatever cause was drummed up, you're an activist, you enjoy activism and raising awarness. But I've been trying for years to get people interested in the plight of Mississippi Delta kids who go through the same issues and more, and no one cares.
"It gets better" is a great idea, but it is too little, too late, and too narrow in focus. Like it or not, it is a for homosexuals program as well, that's where the media and organizational push is.
UPDATE x2
My reply to this reply:
I'm sorry for getting a little heated there... it's been a rough year so far, but more specifically it's been a rough couple of weeks as compared to others, and I was a bit on edge to start with. It bothers me when you paint with such a broad brush because it feels like you're holding me guilty by association with those you perceive to be offenders.
I also don't really see the bigotry here. It's unfortunate that these other cases of extreme bullying are ignored by the general population. It's more than unfortunate, it's unconscionable. But is it the fault of the individuals who are taking part in raising awareness because of the events that they have knowledge of? I think calling them bigots is a bit much.
Rather than indict the people who are trying to make a difference in some small way, and who would likely jump to stand next to you in standing against all of these other cases of bullying, perhaps you should be indicting the media that in large part fails to report the stories of these other kids and barely mentions bullying at all until it has a sensationalist story to run.
And really, even though they're coming to the cause late in the game, is the good that they are doing so invalidated just because you perceive that they are doing it for the wrong motivations?