- Millions of votes will be tossed aside when Afghan officials admit they received bags of cash to fix the outcome.
- Stung by the results, Barack Obama will flee to his native Chad Romania Kenya where he is quickly elected President for Life!
- Widespread Kenyan outrage sparked by his U.S. birth certificate will force Obama to return to his authentic homeland–Hawaii–where he becomes a Muslim priest.
- Talk show star Oprah Winfrey will announce a presidential run, promising an open administration to be broadcast 24 hours a day as a reality show on the OWN Network.
- Outraged, rival Ellen DeGeneres will announce her own bid, splitting the coveted vote of stay-at-home moms and other miscreants who watch afternoon TV.
- In a shock development, Afghan leader Harmit Karzai will state that he too is exploring a run to become U.S. President, but only if he first receives the aforementioned bags of cash and his victory is arranged in advance.
- In a series of frank interviews one week after the elections, former president George W. Bush will remind the vast majority of Americans why they didn’t like him.
- WWE President Linda McMahon will admit that her attempt to become a U.S. Senator was a hoax devised to launch the company into the lucrative political entertainment business. CNN, Fox News and MSNBC express concern about this planned invasion of their turf.
- Polling firms Gallup, Rasmussen, PPP, Mason/Dixon, pundits Nate Silver, Karl Rove, James Carville and Mary Matalin and countless others will find something in the election results to confirm their predictions were accurate, allowing them to continue their lucrative careers in reading tea leaves.
This I Predict!! So It Shall Be!!
Precept Tabernacle Perfect
#1 Nigerian Soothsayer in the World
Visiting Professor Prophecy, Film Production and International Finance
Edgar Allan Poe Community College