I began posting here a little bit before the 2004 election, then, inspired and angered by Bush's re-election, I leapt with both feet into local party politics.
In 2005, I teamed up with a health care reformer and did everything I could to work my Democratic representatives at the local, state and federal level. We collaborated on a book and a health care reform campaign.
2006 was very good year, as was 2008, when I became the local party chair.
2010? Shee-it.
In 2010, among other things, I find myself uninsured (I'm a registered nurse, for God's sake!) and in debt because my (insured!) son had an emergency appendectomy. I make too much to have BadgerCare, and the state's high-risk pool charges too damn much to be cost-effective, since I hardly ever need health care.
What was that stuff Obama was promising? Health coverage for everyone?
Maybe I heard wrong.
I should just drop the cuteness. I know all about our constitutionally reinforced two-party system, and how third parties get like one shot to influence public debate, but not actually rule. I know the principles behind "representation" as opposed to pure democracy. I know, I know, I know.
And I now really, really know that pimping Democratic candidates is no way to get myself anything other than thoroughly owned. I interviewed a state senator who won by a squeaker in 2006 and now just got his ass handed to him after a tepid, two-year Rockefeller Republican gig. Bait and switch. I did oppo and spread delectable dirt on my assemblywoman's opponents, and got nothing in return. Really, absolutely nothing but rear-rank legislation guaranteed to please the 50% of my county that is tetched in the head. I vied for a county office and got precisely no recommendation from her, though the governor did throw me a fairly worthless appointment as a sop. I did not want patronage. I made a passionate plea to Feingold one night as we ate together not to approve Roberts. I can respect why he did so as a senator, but did I feel represented in the least? No. Did he respond to my health care reform partner? No. But he liked my political contributions and invited me to sit on his "steering committee," (as if the man could be steered). Dave Obey? Oh, Christ, where does this liberal idiot even begin?
I did doors. I wrote newsletters and websites. I phoned. I blogged. I marshaled rallygoers. I wrote LTEs. I went to conventions, marched in parades, sat in plenty of HQs, learned the Voter Activation Network. I gave plenty of money.
And as the years passed, I did all that with a growing sense of cognitive dissonance, because nothing was helping change anything.
And honeys, I'm not even extreme, because I am not convinced that Dick Cheney blew up the twin towers and I don't give a shit whether marijuana is legal or not. I just want this country to a) narrow the wealth gap again and b) quit living like there's no tomorrow, environmentally speaking. I truly believe that sound policy can help these things.
(Forgive me for blockquoting myself for emphasis)
Clinton annoyed me early on because of his triangulation and his tiny accomplishments, but damn it, the guy knew how to tell Republicans, "Fuck you" when he had to. This new guy? He gets rolled, again and again.
Intellectually speaking, I appreciate Obama's subtlety and his wish for comity. But I also know in my gut that this is not the time for comity. Intellectually, I appreciate the cabinet he lined up, especially Chu. In my gut, I wonder why the fuck they aren't stepping on necks and grinding in order to get climate legislation done. To bring it around, intellectually I know that progress on health care, any progress, is welcome. In my gut, I wonder why I'm told it's progress but do not feel that it's progress.
Intellectually I find a little solace in the sociological saga of how the plutocrats wrested America back from the pinkos. Just knowing what happened makes it more bearable. But in my gut, I want to know what it will take to turn the tables on those plutocrats. Is Chalmers Johnson right? Will nothing but a "crack up" do it? Will a soft landing be the very best we can hope for?
The only way I can make the cognitive dissonance about Democrats and the democratic process, so-called, go away is by withdrawing my considerable support for the Democrats, and hoping for the most constructive of crack-ups.
Thank you for listening. Slinkerwink's earnest diary, well-intentioned, just made me snap.