Hello everybody, I've got bad news. Last week I reported that I got a job with the Palin 2012 campaign. Well, I've already been laid off (me) or fired (them). Here's what went down: We were supposed to go to a Walmart in West Des Moines so Sarah could sign some books.
Todd was clear of what he wanted from in person. "We're going to sell some books today, guys," he said."They don't call this Dez Monies for nothing." Well, we'd been shut up in the office (The Aerostar) for three days straight. I was tired of peeing in a Burger King cup and Liz wanted to do some Christmas (Not holiday) shopping.
One problem. Sarah usually takes a few hours to get ready (She's got to pray that the Lord will prevent her hand from cramping and that the ink flows strong) and all of sudden, we're on. Liz is supposed to be in charge of music, and she's off shopping in the hunting section. So everybody turns to me.
Well, it starts out fine, but right after Lee Greenwood plays in iTunes, I see the Dixie Chicks is up next. So I stop the music. And CNN jumps right in with a question. And I can't legally say what happened next, but let's just say I had to buy my own bus ticket back to Raleigh.
Folks, this week unemployment hit 9.8%. But there is some good news. The top 2% of wage earners like me are going to get our Bush tax cuts extended. I cannot wait for the tax rate to stay exactly the same so I can create all those jobs.
—Stephen Colbert
If anyone thinks this neurotic, delusional force of nature is not going to run for the White House, they should watch the show.
—Andrew Sullivan, on Sarah Palin's Alaska.
Please, no.
Sarah Palin says Julian should be hunted down like Osama bin Laden--so he should be safe for at least a decade.
—Wikileaks on Twitter.
Am I doing interviews? I thought I got to talk to the nice people. Where's our music?
—Sarah Palin to a CNN reporter when he was able to interrupt her at a book signing in Iowa, when Palin's control over her media bubble popped for three minutes.
She's like an American Confuscious...more like a Confused-shus.
—Jon Stewart on Sarah Palin's confusing shorthand tweets.
Palin's argument seems to challenge a great American tradition, enshrined in the Constitution, stipulating that there be no religious test for public office. A careful reading of her book leads me to conclude that Palin wishes for precisely such a test.
—Kathleen Kennedy Townsend
Just as long as there are no essay questions.
McCain rivals only Sarah the Unready in deserving scorn for lacking substance, but pretending otherwise. Then again, they ran together in 2008, didn't they?
—Blogger DemFromCT
Go serve them, then!
—Sen. John McCain (R,AZ) to DREAM act supporters when they told him all they wanted was to serve their country. McCain supported the act in 2007.
I mean, if we can't win that argument we might as well just fold up. These people are saying we are going to insist on tax cuts for the richest people in the country and we don't care if they are paid for, and we don't think it is a problem if it contributes to the deficit, but we are not going to vote to extend unemployment benefits to working people if they aren't paid for because they contribute to the deficit. I mean, what is wrong with that? How can it be more clear?
—Outgoing Governor Ted Strickland (D, OH)
Hensarling just believes that extending the tax cuts on the wealthy doesn't add to the debt, by magic, because of unicorns and witches and fairies from the marshmallow forest.
—Jason Linkins on Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R, TX) who appeared Sunday on Fox News Sunday.
I think there are a lot people of other faiths who wonder also, why do they always pick on the Christians?
—Sen. Jim Ihofe (R, OK) on the changing of the name of Tulsa's Christmas parade to "holiday parade".
No alpacas and no Jim Inhofe. Nietzsche was right, God is dead.
—Jon Stewart, on two groups boycotting Tulsa's Holiday Parade.
He has done this because he no longer respects, fears or believes those persons who elected him have any alternative, but to accept what he does, whether they like it or not.
—Clarence B. Jones on Barack Obama.
Someday, folks will have to understand that ‘some of my best friends are [fill in the blank with a minority group]‘ is a cliche repeated by bigots. I would have hoped that was obvious by now.
—Steve Benen, on SREC's John Cook, who wants to oust Texas House Speaker Joe Strauss because he's Jewish, but denies being bigoted.
After I passed out from exhaustion and broke my cheekbone, one of the sacrifices I made in an effort to find more balance in my life was to go from having three of the devices to only two (I hate to confess that I'm back to three!)
—Arianna Huffington on her Blackberry addiction.
Where to even begin?
What is the number of Islamic terrorists? One percent? I think it’s closer to 10 percent, but the rest of the PC world will tell you ‘oh no, it’s minuscule.’ Okay, well, let’s take you at your one percent. Look at the havoc of one percent of Muslims causing on the rest of the world!
—Glenn Beck
Think Progress says that at even 1%, that would be 1.57 million terrorists. Lock your doors, people!
You know, I’m Jewish. So I don’t know the New Testament all that well. But I know Matthew. “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of my brethren, you did for me.”
—Sen. Al Franken (D, MN), on supply side economics.
Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from around the internets, comes out every Tuesday around lunchtime.