Esby here, blogging in Kanchipurmam silk pajamas and smoking a Cohiba Behike cee-gar. Lucked out and won the lottery last week, yes sir. So I'm making a few changes with QTR this week in light of the new tax bill that's about to be passed. I'm handwriting this on Bengal tiger hide with a diamond encrusted Montblanc pen that writes with liquid gold. Then a chimpanzee takes it over to my new scanner that uses a cutting edge ruby laser to scan in my quotes.
Once that's done, I have the chimpanzee erase everything, and I pay a Taiwanese child nine cents an hour to type it in from dictation I make over Skype from the hot tub in my brand new stretch Hummer. I then erase that and have actor Bruce Willis handwrite it onto 500 Euro notes over drinks at the Monte Carlo Grande. After I burn the notes, I just call up my Congressional Rep in O-HI-O. "Hey Boner! Get one of your knuckleheads to do my quotes for me." And I don't even look at what they write.
After all, Boner still owes me and I'm a busy, busy man.
When all is said and done, she was one of us.
—Blogger DemFromCt on Elizabeth Edwards.
Elizabeth’s life is a lesson in the dangers of a woman investing everything—her ambition, her intelligence, her dreams—to be fulfilled by a man. I wish long ago Elizabeth had said to her husband, “Guess what, I’m the one who’s going to run for the Senate.”
—Emily Yoffe
Some find Christie entertaining, but his combativeness is counterproductive and breeds the kind of hate speech that plaques the nation. And it’s not very mature.
—The Star Ledger Editorial Board on Governor Chris Christie (R, NJ).
But he's The One.
If I said to Fareed Zakaria, 'Fareed, I'm not going to kill you, but I support the people who do want to kill you,' am I a problem, Fareed? Yes! Yes, I would be a problem!
—Glenn Beck, responding to Fahreed Zaharia's claim that Beck's rhetoric is dangerous.
Any questions?
What became abundantly clear was the supposed stars on the rainbow weren’t there, and I think we were able to debate the issue at hand. I was less the issue, and the issue was more the issue.
—Governor Mark Sanford (R,SC), contending that the exposure of his affair made him less of a target, so that it was easier for him to legislate.
Thanks for making it all so easy to understand.
Assuming Senate Democrats are able to muster enough votes, 17-year-olds, stupid kids, and pacifists will soon have to hike their happy asses back to the third-world war zones from whence they came.
—The Daily Caller's Mike Riggs on the DREAM act.
That's how you get when you're drinking coffee out of urinalysis cups.
Society has changed, and the military has changed.
—Former Sen. Sam Nunn (D,GA), who opposed even the DADT law in 1993.
My concerns, as highlighted in the recent defense survey and through the testimony of the service chiefs, are with the effect implementation of the repeal would have on our front line combat troops at this time.
—Sen. Joe Manchin (D,WV)
There's a front line?
You aren’t paying anything in that case because you’ll be dead.
—Rep. Anthony Weiner (D,NY) to Megyn Kelly on Fox News, when asked why she should pay taxes again on her estate if she died.
Republicans certainly understand the implications. And that's why they want this payroll tax holiday -- because it will help them undermine the entire Social Security system.
—Jed Lewison
A tax cut compromise would be an absolute abandonment of an Obama promise. But so was card check. And so was cap and trade. And so was the Freedom of Choice Act. And so was the closure of Gitmo. And so was immigration reform -- in Obama's first year, he promised! But Obama's liberal base has stuck with him.
—Slate's Dave Weigel
I was really hoping...once he won the nomination...that Barack Obama would come out fighting for the people of America. I'm still waiting to see that Barack Obama.
—IAMAW's Tom Buffenbarger, who gave a buffenbarger of a speech to kick off Hillary Clinton's campaign in 2008.
Considering this is the 10-year anniversary of this abomination, which was caused by Nader's sanctimonius narcissistic delusions, and resulted in the country's worst decade, he can go to hell.
—Talking Points Memo's Josh Marshall on Ralph Nader's threat to run again.
So I say to Mr. Immelt, and I say to all these CEOs that have been so quick to run to China, that maybe it’s time to start reinvesting in the United States of the America.
Sen. Bernie Sanders (I,VT) during his 8 1/2 hour speech before the Senate against the current tax bill.
Here's what this all comes down to, dogma or no dogma: who is going to pay for a) the Bush tax cuts b) the bank bailouts and c) the Iraq and Afghanistan wars? If you want to get there by making janitors and pipe-fitters wait until they're 69 to retire, raise your hand. If you want to get there by making Jamie Dimon rent out his 900-foot rooftop terrace in Chicago two nights a year, raise your hand.
—Rolling Stone's Matt Taibbi.
We defend the middle class, they defend the rich, and we essentially backed away from that fight.
—Rep. Andrew Weiner (D, NY)
Somehow, no matter what the economic clock says, it's never time in Washington to cut spending or raise taxes. Call it mañana economics.
—Fahreed Zakaria
As I started by saying, the people who really curl my lip are the ones who willingly accept such supporters for the sake of a Republican victory, and then try to write them off as not all that important, or not all that extreme, or not all that insane in wanting to repeal several amendments to a Constitution that they also think is unalterable because it’s divine!
—Christopher Hitchens, on the disposable Tea Party.
Who cares if this story isn't true. This is war!
—Stephen Colbert about Fox and Friend reporting the false story that a school in Florida banned the colors red and green because they were too Christmas-like.
Michael Steele announces whether or not he plans to run for his current job again. Not sure what that job is, exactly, but it seems to involve destroying the RNC.
—Blogger Bill in Portland Maine
When you say the word “compromise,” a lot of Americans look up and go, “Uh oh, they’re gonna sell me out.” And so finding common ground, I think, makes more sense.
—Rep. John Boehner (R, OH) on 60 Minutes
I’m not going to take care of him the way his mother did.
—Rep. Ron Paul (R, TX) on newly elected Sen. Rand Paul (R, KY) moving into his Dad's Washington condo.
Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from around the internets, comes out every Tuesday around lunchtime.