Pull out your credit card or checkbook: I'm nagging for your donation.
And heads up to my N.C. Rep. Jennifer Weiss and Sen. Josh Stein: I love you both with a passion that burns with the heat of a thousand suns, but you're going to be hearing a lot of nagging from me in the coming days and weeks. Remind your office-reception staffers to answer the phones on the first ring and brew some coffee and sweet tea, because the calls and visits are headed their way.
I was checking into resources for resolving a difficult family situation, only to find that North Carolina statutes do not permit grandparents to petition courts for visitation or custody of their grandchildren unless there's already a parental custody or adoption proceeding pending in court. Even in situations where the children are being abused, a grandparent cannot come forward and say, "I'm here. I've been here for years. Let me help this child."
Well, that's crazy talk. And we're going to do something sensible about it.
Most U.S. states have provisions for grandparent visitation (and/or custody), and many resources online provide overviews of those provisions. Here are some summaries for a few states that have successfully adopted sensible grandparent visitation policies. It's not a comprehensive list, by any stretch of the imagination -- mostly because by the time I got to the N's, I was overcome by frustration at copying and pasting the overviews of state after state after state that takes children's best interests into consideration more than North Carolina does.
* ARIZONA: A court may award visitation rights if the child's parents' marriage has been dissolved for at least three months, or the child is born out of wedlock. Adoption cuts off the visitation rights of the grandparents unless the adoption is granted to a stepparent.
* ARKANSAS: The custody statute requires that court grant custody "without regard to the sex of the parent but solely in accordance with the welfare and best interest of the children." Conditions for grandparent visitation rights include several circumstances where the grandchild has resided with the grandparent, the child's parents are divorced, the child is in the custody of someone other than a parent, or the child has been born out of wedlock. Adoption cuts off all visitation rights of the natural grandparents.
* CALIFORNIA: Conditions for grandparent visitation rights include a determination of whether a parent is deceased, the child's parents are divorced or separated, the whereabouts of one parent is unknown, or the child is not residing with either parent. In addition to determining that visitation is in the child's best interests, the court must find that the grandparents had a preexisting relationship with the grandchild. The court must also balance visitation with the parents' rights. If both parents agree that the court should not grant visitation to the grandchild, the court will presume that visitation is not in the child's best interests. Adoption does not automatically cut off the visitation rights of grandparents. Note that a California Court of Appeals in 2001 ruled the California statute providing grandparental visitation unconstitutional.
* CONNECTICUT: A court may award visitation rights if visitation is in the child's best interest. Adoption does not automatically cut off the visitation rights of grandparents.
* DELAWARE: A court may award visitation rights if visitation is in the child's best interest. Adoption cuts off all visitation rights of grandparents.
* HAWAII: The custody statute requires courts to consider the child's wishes, if the child is old enough and has the capacity to reason, and evidence of any DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, when determining the best interest of the child. A court may award visitation rights if Hawaii is the home state of the child at the time visitation is requested, and visitation is in the best interest of the child. Adoption cuts off all visitation rights of grandparents.
* IDAHO: A court may award visitation rights if visitation is in the child's best interest. Adoption cuts off all visitation rights of grandparents.
* ILLINOIS: A court may award visitation rights if the parents are not living with one another; one of the parent's is absent, one of the parents is deceased, or one of the parents joins the petition with the grandparent. A court may not allow visitation to a paternal grandparent if the grandchild was born out of wedlock and paternity has not been established. Visitation will also not been allowed if the child is surrendered voluntarily by the parents to anyone besides the Illinois Department of Children and Family Services or a foster care service. Adoption cuts off the visitation rights of the grandparents unless the adoption is granted to a stepparent.
* INDIANA: A court may award visitation rights if either of the child's parents is deceased, the child's parents' marriage has been terminated, or the child was born out of wedlock. In addition to considering whether visitation is in the child's best interest, a grandparent must show that he or she has had, or attempted to have, meaningful contact with the grandchild. Adoption cuts off the visitation rights of the grandparents unless the adoption is granted to a stepparent or a natural grandparent, sibling, aunt, uncle, niece, or nephew of the child.
* KENTUCKY: A court may award visitation rights if visitation would be in the child's best interest. A court may award a grandparent the same visitation rights as a parent without custody if the grandparent's child is deceased and the grandparent has provided child support to the grandchild. Adoption cuts off the visitation rights of grandparents unless the adoption is granted to a stepparent, and the grandparent's child has not had his or her parental rights terminated.
* MARYLAND: The custody statute does not provide a list of factors for determining the best interest of the child. A court may award visitation rights if visitation is in the child's best interest. The factors for determining the child's best interest have been set forth in case law. Adoption cuts off all visitation rights of grandparents.
* MASSACHUSETTS: The custody statute does not provide a list of factors for determining the best interest of the child. A court may award visitation rights if the child's parents' marriage is terminated, the parents are separated, one of the parents is deceased, or the child was born out of wedlock and paternity has been established. Adoption cuts off the visitation rights of grandparents unless the adoption is granted to a stepparent.
* MINNESOTA: A court may award visitation rights if a child's parent is deceased and the grandparents are the parents of the deceased parent. Visitation may also be granted during or after divorce, custody, separation, annulment, or paternity proceedings. Adoption cuts off the visitation rights of grandparents unless the adoption is granted to a stepparent or another grandparent.
*MONTANA: A court may award visitation rights if the court finds that visitation is in the child's best interest. Adoption cuts off the visitation rights of grandparents unless adoption is granted to a stepparent or another grandparent.
* NEBRASKA: A court may award visitation rights if at least one parent is deceased, the parents' marriage has been dissolved or a petition for dissolution has been filed, or the child is born out of wedlock and paternity has been established. Grandparents must demonstrate that a beneficial relationship exists between themselves and the grandchild and that visitation is in the child's best interest. Visitation cannot interfere with the parent-child relationship. Adoption cuts off all visitation rights of grandparents.
* NEVADA: A court may award visitation rights if the child's parents are deceased, the child's parents are divorced or separated, or one of the child's parents have had his or her parental rights terminated. The child's parent or parents must have unreasonably restricted visitation between the grandparent and grandchild before a court may award visitation to a grandparent. If a child's parent or parents has denied or unreasonably restricted access to a grandparent, a court will presume that visitation is not in the child's best interest. Adoption cuts off all rights of grandparents unless grandparents request visitation before the termination of the parental rights of the child's parent or parents.
* NEW HAMPSHIRE: A court may award visitation rights if the child's parents are divorced or have filed for divorce, one of the parents is deceased, one of the parents has had his or her parental rights terminated, or the child has been born out of wedlock, if the child has been legitimated. Adoption cuts off all rights of grandparents.
* NEW MEXICO: A court may grant visitation rights if the child's parents are divorced, separated, or deceased. Visitation rights may also be granted if the child is over six years old, lived with the grandparent for more than six months, and was subsequently removed from the grandparent's home (if the child is under six, the residence requirement is reduced to three months). Adoption cuts off the rights of grandparents unless adoption is granted to a stepparent, a relative of the child, a caretaker designated in a deceased parent's will, or a person who sponsored the child at a baptism or confirmation.
* Et al.
And then there's this:
* NORTH CAROLINA: The custody statute does not provide statutory factors for determining the best interest of the child. A court may grant visitation rights as part of an order determining custody of the child. Adoption cuts off the visitation rights of grandparents unless adoption is granted to a stepparent or a relative of the child, where the grandparent proves that a substantial relationship exists between the grandparent and grandchild.
That's right. Yes, that's right: "The custody statute does not provide statutory factors for determining the best interest of the child." Nosirree, Bob, not here in the Tar Heel State. Heck with the kids.
In North Carolina, grandparents don't even have the right to petition courts for visitation except in restricted instances of court proceedings. Period. Whatever happens, if it doesn't happen smackdab in the middle of custody or adoption proceedings or immediately after the death of a parent ... well, that's just too darned bad.
With more and more grandparents having to provide support to struggling families during difficult economic times, we must ensure that the best interests of children are provided for and protected. With more and more adults and teens struggling with substance-abuse issues and domestic-abuse issues, with meth addiction running rampant across American family landscapes, our laws and policies have to be real-life enough to allow that sometimes grandparents just plain need to be there for these children.
Action for Children North Carolina is an organization that crafts and advocates sensible policies for children. It's an amazing organization responsible for the well-being of millions of North Carolina children, and it's got a staff of six. Six -- count 'em, 6. It's just a sad fact of life that grandparents' visitation rights didn't make it to their list of what they have staff and funding to work on for the upcoming N.C. General Assembly session. Maybe another year, but not this year.
So. I'm going to do a couple things I do best: 1. nag; 2. nag. I'm nagging the heck out of the really amazingly kind people at Action for Children North Carolina to find some spare change in the sofa cushions to add this to their list of policy actions. I'm nagging the heck out of my North Carolina legislators to right a wrong in state law and policy. And I'm nagging you, my brilliant Orange family, to send a buck or two to Action for Children North Carolina, because their staff will make things happen if we help them make things happen.
I'll be nagging others, too, for short-term solutions to our family's problems. Oh, you can believe the the nagging has begun. Bigtime. There'll be no nagging shortage in North Carolina this January, and there's going to be some grandkids getting safe and loved like nobody's business. Or my name isn't MsSpentyouth McNaggerson.
So. Did you get out your checkbook or credit card? Did you send a buck or two to Action for Children North Carolina? Did you call N.C. Rep. Jennifer Weiss and N.C. Sen. Josh Stein and tell them they'd better get on the stick and heat up some sensible legislation and policy to aid children who have grandparents at the ready to help them?