What to wear and what to bring to the post-State of the Union gatherings?
Fashion poses some particular problems this eveneing, since dressing to the disparate messages of Ryan and Bachmann would confuse even the likes of a Coco Chanel..or a Jean-Claude Levi-Strauss.
If you're thinking black silk gown or dinner jacket with red cummerebund, better go to a different blog.
Because I've got a few other things in mind.
Fashion lovers everywhere:
There’s nothing that says "Congressman Ryan" more than the time-honored three-corner hat, and wear it proudly with a rakish maw to the right. Extra points if you can find one that says "Made in USA." Balance the look with the obligatory flag pin on your left lapel or pocket, just atop a button that reads, "ITS NOT YOUR MONEY, USA. ITS MINE!". Note the intended grammatical errors... a tactful nod to those Ryan supporters who may have actually finished high school!
And rearrange the tv room seating into pairs of two seats, one pair behind the other. Sit in the back seats, like you're in an old automobile and stuck in traffic! If you have an old bicycle horn around, bring it with and squeeze it as needed during Ryan’s speech...v cool!
And don't forget your collection of 1960s Esso Gasoline road maps (old Mobil atlases will do in a pinch). So will a compass and a protractor. They’ll all be invaluable aids to understanding Ryan’s "road map for the future."
After Ryan finishes his new course for America, you’ll duck into the boudoir to slip into something a little more apropos for Bachmann’s call to the loons. Go for it!
And look at you! You’ll tantalize fellow partiers as you sashay into the room in your all-wool WWI doughboy unis, camouflage motorcycle boots, and tin foil hat. Make sure your HAT FITS SNUGLY and FOIL ANTENNA FACES NORTH...for obvious reasons. Earphones are always a good look, and on a clear night, it helps amplify coded messages from space that you’d otherwise miss. And tonight just could be the night for THAT SPECIAL MESSAGE!
Remember, too, that your air-raid shelter can be a bit cool and drafty in January, and wouldn’t a powder-blue Snuggie®--thrown casually over your bandolier, fit the bill perfectly?
The careful Bachmannonite will bring along a pocket calculator in case Michelle tells you to "do the math." And don’t forget your waterproof matches. They’re an excellent form of currency in any post-apocalyptic setting!
Got to run...just realized we’re out of nonpareils around here! As they say in Poughkeepsie, it's not a party without nonpareils!