The Daily Show really took it to the GOP for trying to redefine rape last night, in an absolutely brutal segment showing just how cruel and insane the GOP's idea of what does and doesn't constitute rape is. THIS is something you need to show anyone you know who's contemplating voting Republican.
Video and transcript below the fold.
We turn our attention now, if you please, to the newly minted House of Representatives, where the GOP recently unveiled the highly anticipated follow-up to their "Repeal the Job-Killing Health Care Law Act". It's called the "No Taxpayer Funding for Abortions Act". It seeks to undo a longstanding compromise that allows federal funding for abortions in extreme cases like rape.
Under the new bill, federal funding for abortions would be limited to cases resulting from what they call "forcible rape", which could possibly exclude rapes where women have been drugged, or women with limited mental capacity, or statutory rape, are raped. Classy. For more on the legislative push to clarify rape, we're joined by Daily Show Senior Women's Issues correspondent, Kristen Schaal. Kristen, thank you very much. Appreciate you being here.
KRISTEN SCHAAL: Hallelujah! It's about time. By proposing this legislation, Republicans are finally closing the glaring rape loophole in our health care system. You'd be surprised how many drugged, underaged, or mentally handicapped young women have been gaming the system. Sorry ladies, the free abortion ride is over.
(awkward pause and stare from Jon)
JON STEWART: Kristen, the notion of limiting federal funds for abortion... victims of forcible rape... All rape... all rape is, by definition, forcible.
SCHAAL: Jon, I'm not comfortable with that word, "all". In truth, there's a whole rainbow of rape covering a wide spectrum of gray areas. Like statutory rape, something Whoopi Goldberg explained in the Roman Polanski case.
9/28/2009:
JOY BEHAR: He's a wonderful director, but he did rape a 13-year-old child.
...
WHOOPI GOLDBERG: He was not charged... I know it wasn't rape-rape.
SCHAAL: See? There's rape, and then there's rape-rape! OK? Plying a 13-year-old with Quaaludes, alcohol, and a famous penis isn't rape-rape, it's just rape-esque! And shouldn't be covered. Only rape-rape.
STEWART: Only rape-rape is covered. What other non-rape-rape-based abortions would be covered, or not be covered, I should say?
SCHAAL: Well, give me a hypothetical.
STEWART: Well, uh, are drunk women who are raped covered?
SCHAAL: Well, were they dressed slutty? Was it a bachelorette party? A local bar or chain?
STEWART: Does it matter?
SCHAAL: Yes! Because that determines what is rape-rape and what is merely rape-ish. And I don't think hard earned tax dollars should go to women who have only been rape-ished.
STEWART: But... what if you're date raped? What if you're raped by a friend?
SCHAAL: Ah, that's classified now as rape with benefits. By the way, Hollywood, if you're looking for your next big romantic comedy, you can't do any better than that.
STEWART: What if the woman is unconscious? What, would they cover that?
SCHAAL: Well, they'd like to, Jon, but it might not be rape. The woman might be having a rape-mare. The important thing is, Congress is redefining rape to protect us from the worst kind of rape.
STEWART: And what is that?
SCHAAL: Money rape.
STEWART: What is money rape?
SCHAAL: That's forcible taking of taxpayers' money to pay for abortions. They have no say in the matter. They just have to lay back and take it while their bank accounts are violated over and over and over again!
STEWART: This is... how much money are we even talking about here?
SCHAAL: Well, in 2006 alone, federal funds helped pay for 191 abortions for victims of rape, incest, or when the health of the mother is at risk.
So, that works out to...
two-tenths of a penny per taxpayer.
STEWART: Kristen, people's taxes go towards things they don't believe in all the time. I didn't support the Iraq War, but my taxes still helped pay for it.
SCHAAL: That's war.
STEWART: Really? 'Cause I thought that might have just been war-ish.
(wild audience applause)
SCHAAL: Jon, there's no such thing as war-ish! You're not making sense. Clearly you've been traumatized by years of money rape. Look, I know it hurts, but it's OK to talk about it.
STEWART: I... Kristen... I'm fine, it's just doesn't...
SCHAAL: OK, show me on the piggy bank where Obama took your money for abortion.
STEWART: Kristen, I didn't...
SCHAAL: Was it here?
STEWART: No.
SCHAAL: No? Did he drill a hole back here?
STEWART: No! All right. Thank you very much. Kristen Schaal, everybody. We'll be right back.