Esby here, and I just got off the phone with Scott Walker. Here's a little transcript:
Me: Scott, Ronald Reagan here.
SW: Mr. Reagan, I'm a big fan.
Me: I'm dead.
SW: I'm a little tired, too. Busting these unions is hard work.
Me: Yeah, I remember getting rid of those pesky airtraffic controllers.
SW: Yeah, good thing that's over, Koch is flying me to California.
Me: Coke? It's good to have a sponsor, mine was GE for years...
SW: No, the Koch bro...
Me: Never touched the stuff. Nancy had a Just Say No Campaign...
SW: Maybe we can do lunch sometime.
Me: I'm dead.
SW: Me too, I hear you buddy. I'll see you and Patty...
Me: Nancy.
SW: Nancy, too. When Koch flies me out to Cali.
Me: Simi. That's where I'm resting.
SW: I definitely will see you. Yeah, get some rest, buddy. You sound dead.
I find it very unsettling and troubling that anyone would consider creating safety risks for our citizens and law enforcement officers.
—Noble Wray, police chief of Madison, Wisconsin, on what came out during the hoax David Koch call to Governor Scott Walker.
The only thing that I've heard is if you take a plastic bottle and put it in the microwave and you heat it up, it gives off a chemical similar to estrogen. So the worst case is some women may have little beards.
—Gov. Paul LePage (R, ME), on the dangers of bisphenol-A.
Paul LePage: trying to create jobs in Maine. In the circus.
We are pro-democracy and pro-pizza.
—Staci Fritz of Ian's Pizza, which has been taking orders for the Wisconsin protesters, on their political stance.
He now tells us that a scene in which Churchill supported the pro-Nazi princeling "David" was cut from the final version, allegedly because it "sagged." Well, why not craft a scene—illustrating the far more fascinating truth of the matter—that does not sag?
—Christopher Hitchens on The King's Speech screenwriter David Seidler.
As a successful politician who's considering running for president, who would set the bar for moral conduct and be the voice of the American people, how do you reconcile this hypocritical interpretation of the religious values that you so vigorously defend?
—Isabel Friedman, President of the Penn Democrats, to Newt Gingrich at the University of Pennsylvania about his numerous affairs.
I will lie down for a lot of things, but Senator Reid is not one of them.
—Brooke Taylor, a prostitute in Nevada over threats to remove legalization of prostitution in Nevada.
You're just playing clips. You're not even news anchors any more, you're just news VJs.
—Jon Stewart, on the Youtube-ization of the 24 hour media.
I believe my party has gone astray. I think the Democratic Party is a fine party, and I have no problems with it, in their views and their philosophy. But I also feel the Republican Party can be brought back to the principles I articulated before.
—Sen. John McCain (R, AZ), who is in an eight way tie for most conservative member of the senate.
When you pull the string, he says up to twelve different phrases!
I agree with Mitt Romney, who recently said he is proud of what he accomplished on health care.
—President Barack Obama.
No nerd in a lab coat is going to tell me how long winter is. That's the job of a rodent in a top hat.
—Stephen Colbert, on science.
The whole new regulatory reform is a joke. The whole government is a Ponzi scheme.
—Bernie Madoff on the financial scandal.
Takes one to know one?
[R]onald Reagan would probably not recognize the description of Ronald Reagan that is coming out of a lot of the tea party blogs.
—Former Sen. Bob Bennett (R, UT).
Glenn Beck has no business discounting the faith of any people.
—The ADL's Abe Foxman, about Glenn Beck's comparison of reform judaism to islamic radicalism.
It's good to allow them to work out their own problems rather than a one-size-fits-all federal government dumb-ass program. It really is an awful piece of crap.
—Sen. Orrin Hatch (R, UT) on the healthcare bill.
Hey Hatch, NSFW. If you work in a church. With preschoolers.
I'm with ya. I think you're exactly right, I was a wrestler in high school and I can't imagine wrestling a girl in a competition.
—Fox News' Steve Doocey on Joel Northrop, the high school wrestler who refused to wrestle a girl.
Steve likes to wrestle the dudes. I personally don't like to get all sweaty with a
guy, but right on. We all have a right to be who we really are.
Just because you don't like the way it sounds when I say it, or you don't like my haircut, or just because you don't like that I'm gay, it does not make what we say not true.
—Rachel Maddow
If you're against the unions, you're all for the Governor.
—Fox's Sheppard Smith
It is the people that work for you that make you successful, and when you do that to morale, you are cutting your own throat.
—Gov. Brian Schweitzer (D, MT)
Well, listen, they have a right to know, too.
—Louis CK to Donald Rumsfeld, when told by Rumsfeld that he doesn't want to talk about whether he is a flesh eating lizard or not because his grandchildren might be listening.
I think it would be crazy for her to run. She would have to learn about all sorts of idiotic things that presidents have to know about. Chris Christie is a lawyer, he was a US attorney. They're good at dull information and reciting dull information.
—Ann Coulter on Sarah Palin.
Being President is such a snoozefest!
Monday's program was the final straw; his unabashed deriding of Madison is unacceptable for broadcast in our community.
—Wisconsin TV Station WTDY, on dropping Glenn Beck's TV program.
Is it just me or has @GovernorPerry also blocked you from following him on Twitter? Hurt that I'll miss text on his next gig with Ted Nugent.
—Bud Kennedy of the Fort Worth Star Telegram, about being blocked by Gov. Rick Perry (R, TX) on Twitter.
He’s going to come back with certain kinds of information because he knows what the boss likes.
—Bernie Goldberg to Bill O'Reilly on producer Jesse Waters' ambush interviews.
We know what the boss likes: loofa mitts.
Whatever you call them, you can add his latest comments to a long list of lies he's been telling for days.
—Anderson Cooper on Muammar ?addafi
No controversy on how I spelled his name. Nailed it.
Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from the internets, comes out every Tuesday afternoon.