Stephen Colbert had an excellent segment last night on the class warfare we're seeing in this country now.
Now, time was, we wealthy Americans needed the rest of you to work in our factories, and buy the products made by other Americans. Ask your grandpa about it. (Also Ask Him What Unions Were) But now, the wealthy owners own factories all over the world, and can hire non-Americans to work for pennies. (Supply and Demean) And folks, let's face it. We've seen this coming a long time. Just look at average incomes over the last 30 years.
The red line represents the top 1% of Americans. And the flaccid rainbow at the bottom is all you people! What can I say? Sometimes income brackets just drift apart. Over the years, we've just developed different interests. We're into fine wines and racing Bugattis, and you're into different things, like shelter and warmth. (And Meth!)
So, if there really is a rich America, and a poor America, I say why not make it official? Let the rich start their own country. Call it America Plus! (Or Golfistan) I mean, we already live in gated communities, I say we just connect them all with really long driveways. To visit, you just need a green card.
Video and transcript below the fold.
Nation, everybody keeps saying the middle class is an endangered species. And yet not one of them has signed up for my captive breeding program. According to a recent study published in Mother Jones magazine (I just buy it for the pictures of the mothers), there is a startling disparity in the distribution of America's wealth. It's easiest to illustrate with a pie chart, or better yet, a pie-eating contest.
You see, the top 1% wealthiest Americans gobble up more than 1/3 of America's net worth, and the top 10% chow down on almost 3/4 of the money, leaving the bottom 90% with whatever's left.
(audience groans)
That's why it's called "trickle down". Still, this is a disturbing trend that brings us to tonight's Wørd: New Country For Old Men
Folks, as I see it, there are three ways to address this problem. First, we could do nothing. Always my top choice. (Second Choice: See First Choice) We just let the income disparity keep growing. But you know what, I think it's bad for democracy that the vast majority who have little, have to live in a country where the average CEO makes 185 times more than the average worker. (Good Thing Americans Can't Do Math) Now folks, I say that leads to worker discontent, and those are the seeds of revolution. (That and Twitter) Now, we could try redistribution of wealth: raise taxes on the rich, limit executive pay, but folks, that is class warfare! (Bonds Away!) And you know, we have tried that before, and as Warren Buffett would say, my class won. (No Backsies!)
I think that there is a simpler solution. Remember John Edwards' campaign catchphrase from 2008?
JOHN EDWARDS (4/17/2008): There are two Americas: one America that does the work, and another that reaps the rewards.
I realize now that John Edwards was right. (Also, Kind of a Bastard) You see, a recent article in The Atlantic magazine points out that the wealthiest Americans are now part of a new international elite, "a transglobal community of peers who have more in common with each other than with their countrymen back home".
You see, a really rich American and a really rich Saudi have more to talk about than a really rich American and the 99% of other Americans, unless the conversation is, "Step back from my electrified fence." (Sounds Nicer in Spanish)
Now, time was, we wealthy Americans needed the rest of you to work in our factories, and buy the products made by other Americans. Ask your grandpa about it. (Also Ask Him What Unions Were) But now, the wealthy owners own factories all over the world, and can hire non-Americans to work for pennies. (Supply and Demean) And folks, let's face it. We've seen this coming a long time. Just look at average incomes over the last 30 years.
The red line represents the top 1% of Americans. And the flaccid rainbow at the bottom is all you people! What can I say? Sometimes income brackets just drift apart. Over the years, we've just developed different interests. We're into fine wines and racing Bugattis, and you're into different things, like shelter and warmth. (And Meth!)
So, if there really is a rich America, and a poor America, I say why not make it official? Let the rich start their own country. Call it America Plus! (Or Golfistan) I mean, we already live in gated communities, I say we just connect them all with really long driveways. To visit, you just need a green card.
Now, don't worry, we will still maintain normal diplomatic relations with poor America. (On "Undercover Boss") Luckily, most of the government institutions we rich will need are already in place. After all, nearly half of Congress is millionaires, so they're going with us. (Or to Fox News) Best of all, when we've got America Plus in place, the economy of your country will finally get moving. Because to us, you'll now be cheap foreign labor, and we might just start hiring you again. And that's the Wørd. (New Country For Old Men)
Stephen also noted the
similarities between Libya's Gaddafi and Charlie Sheen.
He then did a segment that once seen, cannot be unseen, about a
70-year-old porn star, and had a very interesting
interview with the
New Yorker's Evan Osnos about China's economy.
Meanwhile, Jon looked at why it seems that none of the GOP frontrunners have actually declared for President yet, noting several contenders' weaknesses.
Then, Aasif Mandvi looked at
Islamophobia inside... the comic book world. No, really.
Jon then spoke with Jordanian Ambassador
Zeid Ra'ad.