Esby here, and I'm in jail again. I was going undercover for the White House Easter Roll. I'm being paid by the Koch funded Prosperous Americans for American Prosperity. We call our work PAAP smears.
Get it? Ha ha ha ha. The Tea Party loves that joke. Well, most of the guys do. It is true I am not allowed to do the newsletter any more.
Anyway, David Koch gets me the invite, and I was at a run through for Easter Sunday. I was on the look out for environmental terrorists based on a tip that the White House was trying to minimize the impact of their wooden Easter eggs.
As I am instructed to be discreet, I try to blend in. I wear my Obama Joker tshirt, Don't Tread on Me hat, etc. No suit or something that would make me look suspicious. And the ugly lady in charge tells me I can't bring my Medicare scooter on the White House lawn for the practice egg roll and I am too old.
Now I am 650 pounds and need my scooter, but my friend Margie (who does not like the joke above) frequently says I am "childish," which is good enough for me. And I got up out of my scooter and asked, "Where in the Constitution does it say I can't roll an egg?" And that's when the Secret Service Nazis grabbed me and here I am.
Jail is not bad. They have Larry the Cable Guy on TV.
Nothing says Easter like a green egg. President Obama’s plan to make the holiday energy efficient. Are you kidding me?
—Fox's Brian Kilmeade, going after the Prez on Easter Eggs.
O'Keefe is not immune from prosecution for breaking into an office or recording confidential communication because he calls himself a journalist.
—Eugene G. Iredale, attorney for Juan Carlos Vera, an ACORN employee fired after O'Keefe's sting.
If only there were a large country, maybe adjacent to ours, that was home to a lot of people who wanted to come to the United States to live and work. And if the people in this hypothetically adjacentish country tended to have large families, and tended to be religious, social conservatives would no doubt create a path to citizenship for folks from this hypothetical country. Because America needs more people, right?
—Dan Savage.
Yes, and what a disaster for the Democrats it was that Cuomo didn’t run in 1992, ceding the field to some nobody from Arkansas.
—National Review Ramesh Ponnuru, on how popular, Republican "Cuomo-like" candidates are not running this year.
Republicans don't even have a nobody.
Finally, your article shows that the cuts are eating away at the lower edges of the middle class, not just those already classified as in poverty, and are likely to continue to get worse over the next few years. I'm always glad to see my hometown newspaper covering these issues.
—Bruce Springsteen, in a letter to the Asbury Park Press.
I then asked Allen why he would object to a committed, legally protected relationship in the first place. He answered, memorably, "I just want you to be friends." Can you imagine anyone saying that a straight married couple?
—Andrew Sullivan, on George Allen, who is running for Virginia Senate again.
What would you call an influential entertainer who, during wartime, takes to the airwaves to misrepresent the views of America's Commander In Chief, questions his patriotism, accuse him of going to war for oil, and implies he is an extremist who is arming Al Qaeda? If his name was Michael Moore, and his target was President Bush, I'd wager a large sum you'd speak up, and grasp exactly why that sort of rhetoric was an unhealthy part of any ideological coalition built around it.
—Conor Friedersdorf on Rush Limbaugh.
No, see, the atheists and the Islamists will work together to stone gay married couples, and -- I'm sorry, I can't even ... OK, you got me. I didn't even know where I was going with this one," Gingrich said. "It was pretty funny, though, right?"
—Alex Parene's April Fools account of what Newt Gingrich said.
At this point, we are so far down the road towards an agreement, and so little time remains before Friday's deadline, that it would be a dramatic about-face for the Speaker to suddenly let things devolve into a shutdown, as many in the Tea Party are urging. As a result, we remain hopeful a deal will be reached.
—Sen. Chuck Schumer (D, NY)
He’s the most radical president we’ve ever had as a nation,” he said, “and has done more damage to the free enterprise system and long-term prosperity than any president we’ve ever had.
—David Koch.
He not only makes the Kool Aid, he drinks it.
I condemn Koran burning, not because it excites the savages, but because that is what I believe decency requires.
—National Review's Jonah Goldberg.
Good thing you put that disclaimer in, to avoid being misinterpreted.
Almost no one remembers this, but Gov. Mitt Romney was actually the first candidate to use “Change” as a slogan during the 2008 primaries.
—Mitt Romney fanboy Ross Abraham.
This is pretty hilarious. First, every politician campaigns on change. Second, Barack Obama launched his campaign in February 2007 and was already working the "change" theme.
—Dave Weigel's response.
Many of the most important views throughout history have been, at some point, hurtful, dangerous and even violence-engendering. The whole reason for free speech protections is to safeguard such ideas -- despised by the majority -- from suppression. Burning the Koran is despicable, but it's every bit as much core political speech as burning the American flag or an effigy of a hated political leader, or tearing up a picture of -- or publishing cartoons unfavorably depicting -- a religious leader.
—Glenn Greenwald on the burning of the Koran and the 1st Amendment.
Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from the internets, comes out every Tuesday afternoon.