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Hey, Donald Trump here. Where’s your birth certificate? And don’t give me no certificate of live birth crap! If you were born in America, you have a birth certificate. Sure my birth certificate is from the Jamaica Hospital in Queens, at least it isn’t from Kenya! And hey, Hawaii wasn't even a state a few years before Obama was born there, why does that count?

Hey, Kloppenburg… You’re fired! And you never even had the job! This proves that the voters of Wisconsin love the Tea Party, let me tell you. They are making sure that their rights are protected, by electing a Wisconsin Supreme Court Justice who will side with the governor by stripping workers of their fundamental rights. See, the system works!

Glenn Beck… you’re fired! You’ve been Tumped! Now people thought Glenn Beck was insane and  totally off his nut, which is true, but I am proud to say that I outcrazied him. Glenn Beck called the birther truth the dumbest thing he’s ever heard. Wait a minute, does he ever listen to his own show? Pa tow! Listen, Glenn, if you want to go conspiracy theory bat shit on the American public, you gotta go all out. I got my hair from bigfoot’s back, I'm ugly because a UFO landed on my face, I will personally destroy the world on December 21, 2012 (yea, I’m that powerful), and I am a card carrying member of the Illuminati. Top that, Nostra-dumbass!

Now I know how to fix the economy. Build hotels for extremely rich people to stay in and then sell the properties for billions. Americans, you know what to do! It’s really quite simple, actually. Just borrow millions from your rich parents and then bada bing, bada boom, you have billions! Why didn’t those poor people on Medicaid think of that!? We will also create jobs for maids and butlers in the private sector, not cushy government jobs in manufacturing. If we do, we have to put children and the elderly to work in those factories. If they don’t work, they cost the top 2% money! Now get back to work, you lazy bums!

The next time you see me will be on my brand new Fox News show, in Glenn Beck’s old time slot. Hope I Trump Bill O’Reilly in the ratings.  Now that fat blow hard says the dumbest things!

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