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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Today's Boring Corrections:
Claim: Time magazine's elections expert Mark Halperin wrote in the May 1 edition:
Huckabee needs to make a decision by mid-June if he wants to attract the $25 million he'd need to fund a more structured effort than four years ago. But if you are wagering today, bet that he gets in.
Reality: After playing bass on his Fox News set while guest and good buddy Ted Nugent sang, "I make the pussy purr with the stroke of my hand; They know they gettin' it from me; They know just where to go when they need their lovin man; They know I do it for free" (but not before Ted called Hillary Clinton in '07 a "worthless bitch" and Dianne Feinstein a "worthless whore," but not before inviting Barack Obama to suck on the barrel of a machine gun), Mike Huckabee dropped out of the race.
Aftermath: Michele Bachmann sends a HUGE bouquet of flowers to Huckabee with a lovely thank-you note, and I lose my life savings betting on Huckabee based on Halperin's psychic powers. Thanks a lot.
Claim: In a full-page ad that appeared in the May 20 issue of USA Today, Pastor Harold Camping promised that "Judgment Day begins with a worldwide earthquake on May 21, 2011. Cry mightily unto God for mercy."
Reality: There was no worldwide earthquake on Saturday. There was, however, the start of an eruption of Iceland's Grimsvotn volcano, which is located underneath the Vatnajokull glacier, and brings back memories of a similar eruption of the Eyjafjallajökull volcano, according to meteorologists Haraldur Eirkisson and Fridjon Magnusson.
Aftermath: Apparently God isn't mad enough at us yet to bring about the End Times, but he is annoyed enough to mess with northern European airspace and make us wrestle with Icelandic names for a couple weeks. Consider that a verbal warning, world!
Claim: On yesterday's edition of Meet the Press, Republican strategist Mike Murphy predicted that President Obama's Sunday AIPAC speech would see him "in full retreat" from his Thursday Middle East Speech. Murphy also predicted that, because of his Thursday speech, "I bet [Obama] loses 75,000 votes in Florida."
Reality: The president gave a stirring, nuanced and intelligent pro-Israel/pro-Palestine speech yesterday, reiterating what he said on Thursday while firmly pushing back against critics who claimed he'd "thrown Israel under the bus." The audience interrupted his speech several times---for applause. And Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu "quickly expressed his appreciation for Obama's remarks on Sunday."
Aftermath: Obama's critics once again find themselves flummoxed, and those 75,000 votes in Florida are, in all likelihood, quite safe and sound. But Mike Murphy is still a Very Serious Person and can count on many future beltway cocktail-party invitations.
We're sure they regret their errors.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, May 23, 2011
Note: [Sniff Sniff!] I smell a three-day weekend ahead. Smells like corn on the cob and freedom pie.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Keith Olbermann's new version of Countdown on Current TV: 28
Days `til the Tupelo Elvis Festival in Mississippi: 10
Verizon's share of the wireless market: 32%
AT&T's share: 30%
(Source: GAO)
Number of states in which the unemployment rate fell in April: 39
Last year a decrease of that size was seen: 2003
(Source: AP)
Average length of a marriage among couples who end up getting divorced: 7 years
(Source: U.S. Census Bureau)
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"Meet Me in Minnesota!"
Brought to you by the Netroots Nation 2011 convention in Minneapolis June 16-19. Don’t forget that you can follow the Netroots Nation diary stream here. And now...today's upper-midwest assault on your senses:
- In 1898, the Kensington Runestone was found on the farm of Olaf Ohman, near Alexandria. The Kensington Rune stone carvings allegedly tell of a journey of a band of Vikings in 1362.
- Twin Cities-based Northwest Airlines was the first major airline to ban smoking on international flights.
- There are 201 Mud Lakes, 154 Long Lakes, and 123 Rice Lakes commonly named in Minnesota
- Tonka Trucks were developed and continue to be manufactured in Minnetonka.
---From 50states.com
Official countdown: 24 days. And counting. Down. (I'm starting to wonder if that's why they call it a countdown. I should form a commission to investigate. I hear Bowles and Simpson are available...)
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Puppy Pic of the Day (via Binkaroni): A Thatcher not named Margaret
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CHEERS to Travelin' Man. President Obama straps on Jetpack One and blasts off for Europe this week to remind them furriners that These Colors Don't Run, Baby, Whooooo!!! (His speechwriters might edit that a bit.) His itinerary:
Today: Ireland, including his ancestral village of Moneygall, which is bursting with a wee bit o' the pride.
Tomorrow/Wed.: London, for Segway races with the Queen.
Thurs./Fri.: Deauville, France for the G-8 Summit, during which an angry old man will shout, "Hey! You world leaders get offa my lawn!"
Fri./Sat.: Warsaw, to stock up on Paczki.
Safe travels, sir. And keep an eye on your wallet.
CHEERS to the big dull Thud! in GOP Land. Another "last best hope" for the Republicans in 2012 bites the dust. Yesterday Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels officially took a pass:
"In the end, I was able to resolve every competing consideration but one," said the former Bush White House budget chief, disclosing his decision in a middle-of-the-night e-mail to supporters. "The interests and wishes of my family, is the most important consideration of all. If I have disappointed you, I will always be sorry."
But all is not lost! Today there are two more official hats in the ring, and you will no doubt be able to hear the throbbing, foot-stomping stampede of support for Cainmania! and Pawlentymentum! It'll sound a bit like snoring, but trust me: it's mania! And mentum!
UH OH to crazy eyes. Not meaning to be Debbie Downer or anything, but Atlantic hurricane season starts in 9 days. National forecasters, who seem to be fairly accurate about these things, say we'll likely have to deal with six to ten hurricanes among the 12-18 "named storms" that are predicted between June and November. And in other news, Pat Robertson's conversations with God about the gays, feminists and pagans reveals that we can expect 1-3 meteors, 6-8 poisonous-frog showers and another season of Celebrity Apprentice. Oh, the humanity.
P.S. Meanwhile, a single half-mile-wide tornado just leveled the town of Joplin, Missouri, leaving 89 dead. And the climate-change denial goes on.
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. The Portland Press Herald's uber-conservative columnist M.D. Harmon asks: Will the GOP find a candidate who will treat us like adults?
No.
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
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OWIE ZOWIE! to bandits eating bullets. On May 23, 1934, bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde were shot to death in a police ambush as they tried to escape in a stolen Ford Fordor Deluxe Sedan near Bienville Parish, Louisiana. Of all the luck...one day after they'd paid it off.
CHEERS to must-see TV. (Repeated from last week in case you missed it) HBO airs an all-star movie about the 2008 Wall Street collapse tonight at 9, called Too Big to Fail, and what a cast: Paul Giamatti as Ben Bernanke! Dan Hedaya as Barney Frank! William Hurt as Hank Paulson! Ed Asner as Warren Buffett! Billy Crudup as Timmeh Geithner! Lots more. It's based on the book by Andrew Ross Sorkin. And it's directed by Curtis "L.A. Confidential" Hanson so it's gonna kick ass. The Hollywood Reporter calls it a must-watch "economics lesson from hell." (More reviews at Metacritic.) Given the subject matter, for the safety of my TV set I've instructed my partner Michael to keep all shoes out of my reach until it's over.
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Five years ago in C&J: May 23, 2006
JEERS to Mr. Freeze. Rep. William Jefferson must R-E-S-I-G-N. Why? Because last time we checked, Stouffer's didn't sell frozen dinners containing $90,000 in marked bills. (Although their Salisbury steak ain't half bad.)
JEERS to Osama bin Givin' the Brushoff. The leader of al Qaeda---now workin' the fry vats at a Burger King in Grand Rapids (because who would look for him there??)---issues a tape saying convicted terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui was not an employee of his; in fact his name never made it into his Rolodex. And you thought Americans were the only ones who padded their resumes.
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And just one more…
JEERS to the state that dare not speak about the love that dare not speak its name. By now you've probably heard about the bill passed in the Tennessee Senate that forbids mentioning the existence of---Shhh!---(gay people) in schools until the 9th grade. The so-called "Don’t say 'gay' bill"---among the most foolish and pointless legislation I've ever seen Republicans waste taxpayers' time on in my life---still has to go through the Tennessee House, which won’t consider it until next year. Fortunately, that gives kids and teachers a head-start on learning a code word…a "sneaky synonym," if you will, that they can use to get around the censorship Nazis. And for that we have Star Trek's Mr. Sulu to thank. George Takei has come out (so to speak) on the You Tube with a simple message:
"I'm here to tell Tennessee, and all LGBT youth, and teachers who would be affected by this law that I am here for you. In fact, I'm lending my name to the cause. Any time you need to say the word 'gay' you can simply say…'Takei!' For example, you could safely proclaim you are a supporter of Takei marriage. If you're in a more festive mood, you can march in a Takei pride parade."
To help people "show Tennessee and the world that you’re against bigotry and censorship," Takei has hung out a shingle to promote his campaign, and all the proceeds go to charity. It's a textbook example of how to use mockery to expose the misdeeds of the powerful while defending those getting overpowered. But, man, it sure would be nice if someone invented a phaser that could be set to "Follow the Golden Rule." The culture wars would be over by sundown.
Have a nice Monday. And may the tea party rest in peace. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"The Supreme Court doesn't care, and I don't care, and Bill in Portland Maine doesn't care. No one that matters cares!"
---Republican uber-lawyer James Bopp
5/17/11
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