Weeeeeell, I gots no wood and I gots no coal, but I gots me a boot with a great big sole; It'll step in shit 'n leave no smear, it'll kick a can 'n kick a rear; you can bet your ass that I won't miss, if you comin' round here to take a piss, pissin' all over the caaaaaarpet (it really tied the room together, man). Do-si-do around that tree, take my boot inter-na-lly; introduce it to your spleen, give it right back nice and clean; now try and feel the diff-rence, but do it from a dis-tance. Now allemand left as best you can, jump right into that fryin' pan; hop 'n skip 'n make a fuss, and butter up that blunderbuss; and if you gotta run your mout', know what the fuck you talk about; or else sell it to your Maaaaama. I ain't Barack Obaaaama (he has patience with dumbshits). He ain't the one to tell a lie, so you must be the other guy; you talk from out a smelly place, and fart like you were saying Grace, but only other asses say "Amen."
Well, that was fun - but what I'll be doing from this point is answering some typical troll lines.
Diary title: Obama's Secretary of X Poisons Puppies!
Actually, it's you who poisons puppies. You see, while it is true that President Obama appointed the Secretary of X, you appointed Obama, ergo by your logic it is in fact you that poisons puppies. Please post a diary expressing deep disappointment in yourself, whom you had such high hopes for before he/she became corrupted by power. Then, as proof that you've taken responsibility for your heinous betrayal of liberal values, renounce your citizenship and live out the rest of your days in a convent or monastery in Paraguay. Option 2, of course, would be to become a sane person with a bare-minimum understanding of American governance, but don't hurt yourself.
Obama is keeping secrets from us! He told us so!
Clearly he is lying. You can't trust Bush Lite.
He is authorizing assassinations! In a war!
I demand a return to strategic carpet bombing! Then all my protest slogans left over from the Vietnam War would make sense again instead of making me sound like a Chuck E. Cheese robot programmed by Ward Churchill.
Obama pals around with banksters.
It's as if he doesn't understand our very simple, humble demand: Single-handedly reinvent the financial underpinnings upon which our daily lives depend, do it without ever coming within 500 yards of a banking professional, do it with or without Congressional support, and do it without causing any level of inconvenience whatsoever to our lifestyles. He's just lazy, that's what it is!
Obama's evil war in Afghanistan...
Still a Truther, or did they kick you out of the movement for being too dumb and incoherent?
He's bombing Libya!
Don't you just love how Moammar Kaddafi and ex-genocidal Sudanese mercenaries = "Libya" in the minds of these troll perverts? The unambiguous sanction of international law, the presence of a strong and territory-controlling opposition, and the absolute moral authority of defending protesters whom a totalitarian ruler had publicly vowed to wipe off the face of the Earth using air power is apparently not enough. So I propose that we get the written, notarized consent of the spirits of Jesus, Buddha, and Gandhi. Maybe that would cause them to slightly qualify their condemnation of the mission. You know, if they're feeling really generous and rational.