During the Vietnam war, my mother spotted a headline that proclaimed: General Suicide at Pentagon. Imagine her disappointment when it turned out to be only one general.
Like my mother, I often find myself wildly misinterpreting headlines. But sometimes it's not just those of us with hinky brains who get confused. It's the headline writers. An evening's perusal of the web yielded endless collections of such periodical proclamations, many of them the same twenty or thirty on numerous sites.
Some headlines are clearly written by harried (or none too bright) editors:
- Pupils train as counsellors to help upset classmates
- Police chief's pledge to murder witnesses
- Typhoon rips through cemetery; hundreds dead
- Stud Tires Out
- Complaints about NBA referees growing ugly
- Tuna biting off coast of Washington
- Man held over giant brush fire
- Volunteers needed to help torture survivors.
- Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
- Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendent
- Minus Shorts, Banks Get Breathing Room
- Bush Lands in Texas; Residents Urged to Leave
- Dr. Ruth to Talk about Sex with Newspaper Editors
- Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water
- William Kelly was Fed Secretary
- British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
- Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
- L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
- Lack of brains hinders research
- Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
- Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
- Solar system to be back in operation
Then there are some that can't possibly be accidental:
- British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
- Home secretary to act on video nasties
- Prostitutes Appeal To Pope
- Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee
- Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead
- Miners Refuse to Work after Death
- March Planned For Next August
- Stiff Opposition Expected to Casketless Funeral Plan
- Republicans turned off by size of Obama's package
Some that aren't proofread:
- Study: Long-Term Marijuana Use Harms Mermory
- Missippi's literacy program shows improvement
- Poll says that Media offen makes mistakes
And then there's one that just never quite got read by the right people:
- Think of a Headline; 56 pt. Bold Headline
And bad instructions on packaging -- like my Chinese cold medicine: "No side effects if taken." But that's another diary for another day. Heck, y'all don't even have time to read this one. You're not reading it, are you?? There's no time! Get reccin'!
On with the games!!
Mojo Friday Guidelines
1) If you comment you have to recommend all comments. (in order to receive mojo you have to give mojo. It's only good mojo manners.)
2) Everything you say may be taken as a joke (so if you ask a question, expect a silly answer)
3) You must recommend the diary (and pimp it unapologetically)
4) You don't have to comment to recommend.
5) You can't steal my idea (right, like that ain't goin' to happen)
6) Please, no pictures or YouTubes until after 300 comments. Now, after 300, use a little common courtesy and be responsible in the number.
7) Mojo mojo mojo mojo, mojo mojo mojo.
8) TexDem (that's me) is not bound by the guidelines. Heh
Mojo Friday Goals
A. At least 300 different commenters and 1000 comments by 1:30 PM EST and 1500 by 5:00 PM EST Friday Night that it's posted.
B. 100 recommends for each comment, at least.
C. Stay on Recommend List at least five hours (this requires some strategic planning by you guys, refer to guideline #3)
D. At least 200 diary recommends. 300 would be better, spread the word.
E. And always, fun fun fun.
F. Have at least 75% average participation rate as seen here in the Mojo Friday Postgame Show by Woodtick.
G. (New) Have at least 30 kossacks over 90% participation (see here for some tips).
H. Overload the servers with recommends, not to mention dominate Top Comments Mojo list. (we do tend to mess with the site with all of our recommends at one time)(also, to dominate the Top Comments Top Mojo we need at least 50 comments with over 200 recommends, see guideline B)
I. That's enough for now. (Have a suggestion? Post it.)
MKinTN posted a diary to help everyone achieve greater success called How to Succeed at Mojo Friday Without Really Trying.
For those of you new to MF (Mojo Friday), we have our own lingo about a few things. Thanks to MF'er Jez (the link will explain), go to this diary for a little more fun and explanation: Official Mojo Friday Snecktionary.