The work I do requires that I travel a lot. So I spend a significant amount of time 6 miles up, trapped in an aluminum tube doing my best not to verbally abuse the parents of screaming children.
I’ve been poked, groped, prodded and patted down. I’ve been backscatter scanned, and scanned in a tube with something that spun around me. I’ve been x-rayed and sealed in plexi-glass booths that shoot bursts of air from the bottom. I’ve been chosen at random to have my laptop bag swiped for explosive residue. I’ve had a $100.00 multi-tool confiscated because I fucked up and decided not to check a carry on bag. I never wear lace up shoes, a belt, or have anything in my pockets when I go through security. I never travel with anything that would increase my time spent in an airport. No questionable items, no contraband and I follow the letter of the law when it comes to bringing in cigarettes or alcohol because I am not interested in doing anything that could result in me being delayed let alone arrested.
Nevertheless, without fail, every time I travel my checked luggage gets searched. I am always finding those TSA “We searched through your shit” notices whenever I unpack. I take the same flights to the same places on the same airlines like clock work. You can’t tell me that someone somewhere hasn’t taken note. Yet every time I open my luggage out pops a searched your shit notice (why do they do that? Do they see it as a courtesy?) just like those advertisements that used to fall out of magazines (does that still happen? I haven’t purchased a magazine for a while). At first the searches were probably due to the places I was traveling, Russia and the Middle East, but not any more. I grew tired of finding the notices of people rummaging through my things, like I am a threat or something. So I figured seeing how they check my shit for no apparent reason I thought I could at least give them a reason. So I painted my luggage so it would be easier for me and them to identify.
I love punk rock, so I knew I would chose a design that reflected as much. But what to do? Spray Paint would definitely be the media but I was torn as to the particular design. Should I use Black Flag, something from Minor Threat, The Dead Kennedys, or DRI? Maybe The Ramones or The Sex Pistols. I like Bad Religions icon and something from The Cramps would be cool. DOA, FEAR, MDC, The Misfits, NOMENSNO, Reagan Youth, Scream, TSOL, Wasted Youth, The Butthole Surfers or maybe just an anarchy symbol. I toyed with the idea of a skull and cross bones, a gun or a bomb but didn’t want to press my luck too much. I finally decided on this,
Social Distortions Skelly. For me SD ranks as one of my all time favorite punk bands and with songs like; Mommys Little Monster, Anti-Fashion, Moral Threat, 1945, their remake of Under My Thumb and the classic Don’t Drag Me Down, they rank in the top punk bands of all time, of course YMMV.
Not only can I find my luggage easier now but I feel that at least the TSA has a reason to search through my shit. I mean a piece of luggage with a dancing skeleton holding a martini and a smoke HAS to be searched right? I know nothing has changed as far as the notices I get, so are they searching my shit now because of the art work? Or do they stick their grubby little fingers in every piece of international luggage? Who knows, I don’t expect logic or reason to have been used in developing whatever procedures the TSA may have. I have done one more thing for the “We have to violate your 4th Amendment rights” TSA luggage checkers. Every time I return to the States I do so with a suitcase full of dirty laundry. I mean dirty filthy jeans I wear in the field, smelly socks, work out clothes, really nasty underwear. I am lactose intolerant but love dairy, so a couple of days before I head home I make sure that I eat cheese, ice cream and yogurt which gives me the shits, really bad gas and no small amount of pain but it is worth it, fuck them. Combine that with a slightly damp towel and the aroma will singe your nose hairs, it’s my thank you to the TSA for all they do to keep me safe, (needless to say my wife has refused to do any of the laundry that comes out of that bag.)
I will leave you with a video of me and my car, circa 1985. I had no idea I was being videoed at the time. In fact I didn't even know of it's existence until a couple of years ago. It was shot by a film major buddy of mine from his bedroom window.