* in all the wrong places
Politicians are nothing if not a love-starved lot. Its not just a natural characteristic; it seems to be a requirement for political employment. If you actually tried to write out a job description for any significant political post, it would have to include some bullet points along these lines:
• Willing to commute substantial distances while speed dating.
• Physically able to assume any position, and possibly several at once.
• Considers fund raising to be an erogenous zone.
• Able to multi-task simultaneous relationships
The last item is clearly the most challenging aspect of the job, since every relationship requires the appearance of commitment without the actual practice thereof. Politicians who actually try to practice commitment are clearly unsuited to the job.
What every politician needs is lovers who don’t demand commitment so long as they get ... um ... satisfaction. In that sense, a good politician would be equally at home (professionally speaking) in a brothel as well as the Capitol. Some might even go so far as to argue that is a distinction without a difference.
Here in Northern Nevada, where brothels are legal in some rural counties, we know a thing or two about that subject. We don’t use pejoratives to refer to our valued brothel employees. They are professionals; amateurs need not apply.
As any brothel professional will tell you, occasionally a would-be customer will come along demanding something more than momentary pleasure. The trick is to keep taking their money while appearing interested, but steadfastly resisting entanglement. When you get too involved with one customer and start ignoring or outright pissing off the other customers, you’ll ruin the reputation of your brothel. That’s not good for business, you know. Customers here prefer houses of very good repute.
Clearly that is what Mitch McConnell has started to worry about. In a recent radio interview concerning the failing debt ceiling negotiations, he said:
The reason default is no better an idea today than when Newt Gingrich tried it in 1995 is that it destroys your brand.
As one of the nominal Messieurs of the Capitol Hill brothel, he clearly values the brand. You see, his problem is that he is trying to get a whole bunch of newbie workers, who don’t seem to understand the operating rules, to let go their commitments to a couple of customers and make themselves available to service others. Newt ironically tried the commitment thing some years ago, but it didn’t work out for him. He just embarrassed himself and messed up the GOP brand for a bit. Fortunately, the other customers forgave the transgression pretty quickly. For some, ill repute is a selling point.
The other Monsieur of the House is not helping. The House of Representatives’ Boehner is not known for serious commitment at all, but under relentless pressure from the newbies, has become a single purpose instrument. As the failing debt ceiling negotiations demonstrate, this inflexibility is just not suited to the task. TPM’s assessment of the result of Boehner’s attempt to break with the newbies and their entanglements was trenchant:
Boehner balked last weekend in the face of severe blowback from his caucus.
This is what happens when a group of inexperienced politicians–the house newbies–become enamored of Kochs without considering the possibilities of other dalliances. Worse, Kochs come in PACs, which takes some real focus to handle. As TPM noticed recently in “Michele Bachmann Raises $4.2 Million, Scores Max Donation From Koch PAC,” not everyone does equally well with this particular relationship, but Lord knows they try. Michelle Bachmann is especially prone to entanglements as her recent signing of "The Marriage Vow" will attest.
The one curious thing about the whole affaire is their long-time regular customer, Grover Norquist. He has been hawking marriage vows for years with only limited success until this batch of newbies came along. You’ve got to admire a would-be groom who finally gets his way by employing a PAC of Kochs to capture and hold the interest of his intended.
Commitment is a wonderful thing in many types of relationships, just not political ones. When you are operating a professional establishment you have to appeal to the tastes of a broad range of customers. A niche business is sustainable for a while with a few wealthy customers who pay dearly to have their tastes catered to. But when the well-heeled customers go away, your business is in trouble because the other customers have gone elsewhere.
So yes, Monsieur McConnell is right. Every business has a brand. When your business is about appealing to the special tastes of your clientele, your brand had better shriek “come one, come all” or your business will soon fail for lack of customers.