From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
The Rest of the Story (Spoiler Alert!)
Many an eyebrow was raised yesterday when it was revealed that the Republican tea party "leadership" showed this clip from the movie "The Town" as some kind of metaphor for their desire to plunge America into a second Great Depression:
Doug MacRay: I need your help. I can't tell you what it is, you can never ask me about it later, and we're gonna hurt some people.
James "Jem" Coughlin: Whose car we takin'?
[This is followed by a scene of Doug and Jem in hockey masks beating the shit out of some guy and then shooting him twice in the leg.]
According to GOP aides in the room, Rep. Allen West (R-FL) immediately jumped out of his seat and yelled: "I'm ready to drive the car!"
But hang on a minute. Let's see how things turned out at the end of that movie (SPOILER ALERT!) for the merry band of professional criminals:
Jem spots SWAT officers and begins to shoot. In the firefight, Dez is killed. Gloansy creates a diversion and is killed while Doug and Jem put their cop uniforms back on and slip out. Agent Frawley figures out the ruse, catches sight of Jem, and tries to arrest him. Jem fires at Frawley and tries to escape, but he is cornered by the police. He has a shootout with the police in the middle of the street, and manages to shoot a few of the officers before being wounded in the leg by a blast from Frawley's shotgun. Knowing there is no way out, Jem chooses to let the police kill him in suicide-by-cop fashion, rather than raise the debt ceiling go to prison.
Epic fail.
But at least Ben Affleck is (SPOILER ALERT!) able to escape to Florida, where he no doubt spends his time going door to door, asking people in the 22nd Congressional District what the hell they were thinking when they put their trust in the guy who was the first in the room to volunteer to beat the tar out of our economy and then shoot it twice in the leg.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 28, 2011
Note: Here's today's Helpful Hint from Heloise. To to reduce your risk of being robbed on the street, always carry a shovel with blood stains on it. Hugs!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next Wisconsin recall elections: 12
Days `til the BrickFair Lego Fan Festival in Chantilly, Virginia: 9
Portion of Americans surveyed by AP-GfK who say they worry about debt most or all of the time: 1-in-5
Increase in debt-related stress since the last survey was taken in November: 17%
Date on which Britain recognized the Libyan rebels as the official government of that country: 7/27/11
Number of people on earth in 10,000 B.C.: 5 million
Year in which earth's population reached 1 billion: 1800
(Source: some web site that thinks it knows everything)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
His entire first eight months was tax cuts for the rich, tax cuts for the rich, tax cuts for the rich, and he lied and said the tax cuts would help average Americans. Again and again, the "average" tax cut would be $1,000. That means you get $100 and the millionaire gets $92,000, and that's how they "averaged" it out. Then came 9/11, and we all rallied. Ready to give blood, get out of our cars and ride bicycles, whatever. Shop, said the president. And more tax cuts for the rich.
---November, 2003
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Persistence.
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CHEERS to a bug that that will be easily squished. Oh Henny Penny---[Yawn]---Rachel Maddow’s really done it this time. She's incurred the wrath of anti-gay heavy-metal preacher man Bradlee Dean, who is suing her for Fifty. Million. Dollars. If I understand the grievance correctly, Rachel quoted him accurately during her show, and that made him look like a fool in front of millions of people who otherwise wouldn't have known about the crap he spews from his bullshitty pulpit. Dean will win the case handily…assuming someone recently created a legal institution called Vanity Court. Otherwise, the case will be dismissed so fast that there won't be time to laugh him out of the courtroom. So let's do it now---point your finger toward Minnesota, where Dean lives, and repeat after me: Ha Ha! That was nice.
P.S. Speaking of teh gay, the newspaper in the town in which I upgrew (Mt. Vernon, Ohio, a GOP-dense slice of Americana, pop. 15,000) has a little poll up about same-sex marriage, and I'd sure appreciate it if you'd weigh in on it: Click here and scroll down just a tad…lower right side. Thanks---boy, are they in for a shock. [12:38ET Update: They've replaced the poll with a new one, but the last results I saw were: 58% in favor of gay marriage, 38% against. So it's official: Mount Vernon, Ohio is overwhelmingly in favor of gay marriage. Awesome!]
JEERS to the continuing distraction from job creation. This is Day 7 of our daily updates on the debt crisis. Five days until D-Day, and here's the latest: Republicans are still acting like domestic terrorists who have no clue how to govern, are scaring the nation half to death, and should be sent to Gitmo for a few months (minimum) to dry out. Meanwhile the Commission to Study the Feasibility of Appointing a Commission to Study the Commissions That Have Already Been Appointed (NAMBLA) ran out of Metamucil and disbanded yesterday. To prove that America can raise money without raising taxes, Eric Cantor unilaterally put the Capitol rotunda on eBay---serious offers only, please. And the rest of the world now thinks we've gone completely insane. Tomorrow: a five year-old comes up with a solution that both sides find acceptable, and is immediately sent to bed without supper for interfering in a crisis.
CHEERS to feeling your pain. On July 28, 1865, the American Dental Association proposed its first code of ethics. Celebrate the occasion by sticking a sharp metal pick into the mouth of someone you love. (If you need a refresher tutorial, here's a free demonstration by Dick Cheney.) Be sure to get under the gum line!
JEERS to Glenn Beck. He says the camp where dozens of Norwegian kids were massacred by a right-wing Norwegian terrorist "sounds a little like the Hitler youth." And if anyone would know, it would be a short, delusional ideologue who regularly flies into tirades against Franklin Roosevelt, commands unquestioning loyalty from his boot-licking minions who flock to his flag-waving political rallies in droves just to catch a glimpse of his pasty whiteness as he drives by in the back of his chauffeured Mercedes, and only has one ball.
CHEERS to Bubba's foresight. Addressing a veterans convention in New Orleans on July 28, 1996, Bill Clinton called on Congress to pass expanded measures against acts of terror in the United States. It was a more innocent time back then, and today the Adult Children Moving Back in with their Parents Act seems rather quaint.
CHEERS to POTUS Theatre! Wednesday morning, 3am:
[Rrring Rrring!!!]
"Rehrow?"
"Hi, Bo, this is NORAD. Put the President on."
"Ruh Roh!"
"This is the President speaking. What's up, General?"
"Sir, I'm afraid one of our aircraft is down, and…"
"Okay, I'm on it. Scramble a squadron of F-16s and put 'em on a search-and-rescue flight pattern, take us to Defcon 4, let's get some eyes on the surrounding area, and wake Hillary and have her draft a letter of condemnation to the leader of…um…where did the aircraft go down?"
"Pennsylvania, sir."
"Pennsylvania?"
"Yes sir. Pennsylvania."
"Casualties?"
"No sir. It was unmanned and there were no injuries on the ground."
"So it was a drone?"
"No, sir, it was a, uh…a blimp."
"A blimp?"
"A blimp, yes."
"Excuse me, General, but are you calling me from 1918?"
"Ummm…"
Catch the thrilling conclusion on the next edition of POTUS Theatre!
CHEERS the next edition of POTUS Theatre! Actually, nothing else happens, really, except the president goes back to bed. I should probably learn to balance my episodes a little better, huh.
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Flashback: The 2004 Democratic Convention---July 28
Speakers include:
Elizabeth Edwards
Sen. John Edwards
Sen. Bob Graham
Rep. Dennis Kucinich
Bill Richardson, Governor of New Mexico
Rev. Al Sharpton
CHEERS to Howard Dean. At convention last night, a sentimental swan song from the man who made it okay to get mad as hell, both at Bush and the self-defeating in our own party: "Never again will we ever be ashamed to call ourselves Democrats. Never, never, never." The crowd reaction was clear: You stick around now, y'hear?
CHEERS to skinny kids with funny names. Barack Obama starts his convention speech softly, then builds to stunning where-did-that-come-from finale. "We worship an awesome God in the Blue States, and we don't like federal agents poking around in our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and yes, we've got some gay friends in the Red States. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and there are patriots who supported the war in Iraq." That sound you hear is the GOP soiling their britches. [7/28/11 Update: Heh.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to red meat that's not the political kind. On this date in 1900, while trying to piss off his vegan neighbor ("allegedly"), Louis Lassen reportedly invented the humble hamburger. It has since gone upscale in some places, like Grand Burger in Connecticut:
Creative concoctions include: the "Slow & Low Burger" with robiola cheese, braised short ribs, and barbeque sauce; "Italian Job" with parmesan frico, tomato jam and arugula mayonnaise; and a "Brunch Burger" with a fried egg, ham and truffle hollandaise. …
The restaurant has joined a trend that is spreading across the country, said Nicole Griffin, executive director of the Connecticut Restaurant Association. "Now you can get a gourmet burger exactly as you want. I've seen lobster burgers and shrimp burgers," she said. "I think it's going to stick around. Hamburgers are as American as apple pie."
Or, if Republicans succeed in destroying the economy, as American as cat food.
It's Thursday and we're all screwed. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"If Bill in Portland Maine is wearing a tie and jacket on Thursday afternoon at three o'clock, there are two possibilities. One is that he's looking for a job and have an interview; the other is that he's an asshole."
---Larry Summers
7/20/11
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