From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Heckuva Job, Tea Party Leaders---Everybody Thinks You Suck
Majorities of people in the red states and the blue states think you suck. Because they see what you're doing---pouring sugar into America's economic gas tank and forcing us all to take the jalopy out for a spin---and they can't believe how foolishly you're acting.
Retirement savers think you suck. They got screwed by the banksters in 2008, watching helplessly as their 401(k)s turned to dust. And now, because Grover Norquist ordered you to bow at the altar of Ayn Rand, you risked, willy-nilly, a similar and 100 percent preventable calamity less than three years later. Your retirement savings would've taken a huge hit too, of course, which is all the proof anyone needs to justify calling you a fiscal suicide squad.
Our troops think you suck. Because they didn’t know if they'd be getting paid or not, making life even tougher for them both at home and in the field. You're fucking with their morale and their money during wartime, and their scorn toward you is entirely justified.
Small businesses think you suck. Because, deal or no deal, their balance sheets could go haywire at any moment thanks to you, and they're downing antacids like candy and rightfully blaming you.
The unemployed think you suck. The time you've forced the government to waste on things other than "jobs, jobs, jobs" means more stagnation, more people running out of unemployment benefits, fewer jobs, less consumer spending and a weaker economy.
Our seniors think you suck. Because you're willing to mess big-time with their Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid. They have no plans to throw their walkers at your heads…but lord knows they'd like to.
The world thinks you suck. Because you're saying to them, "Eh, maybe America honors its debts, and maybe America doesn't. Don’t call us, we'll call you." And you claim to be the grown-ups in the room?
Children think you suck. They see the toll that this ginned-up-entirely-by-YOU debt-ceiling disaster is taking on their parents---the fear, the uncertainty, the quicksand-like world they feel they're living in. And they don’t understand why you're doing this to Mom and Dad. Seriously…why? What did they ever do to you?
So congratulations, you Republican Tea Party fools. By throwing buckets of sand into the gears of our government for your own fringe ends and looney delusions of austerity, everybody thinks you suck. And for damned good reason.
By the way, with great maniacal power grabs comes great responsibility. This is your economy now, morans. To quote Quint in Jaws: "The head. The tail. The whole damn thing." It's the tea party economy, aka the Raw Deal. Gee, I bet nobody can predict how that's gonna turn out.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Monday, August 1, 2011
Note: Happy Ramadan!!! I have no idea what to do now. Carols?
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next round of recall elections in Wisconsin: 8
Days `til the Huckleberry Festival in Trout Creek, Montana: 11
Percent of couples considering separation or divorce before the Great Bush Recession who called off their plans because the Great Bush Recession left them too poor to afford splitting: 40%
(Source: University of Virginia poll via The Week)
Amount Americans spent on lottery tickets in 2009: $50 billion
(Source: Reuters via The Week)
Expected date of the birth of the world's 7 billionth person: 10/31/11
Expected world population by 2050: 9.7 billion
(Source: U.N. projections)
World record for the most kites flown at once, which was set in China: 10,465
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Puppy Pic of the Day: At the Pontchartrain Center in Louisiana, it's show time!
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CHEERS to August. The dog days. The month everybody should be allowed to take off for vacation. (Right, France?) The month everyone wears the shit out of their whites because they know Labor Day's just around the corner. Lollapalooza starts Friday in Chicago, the month of Ramadan starts today, and the 13th is the high Republican holiday known as Blame Someone Else Day. The next 31 days include National Raspberry Cream Pie Day, Watermelon Day, Ice Cream Sandwich Day, Mustard Day, Potatoe (I prefer the Quayle spelling) Day, Cherry Popsicle Day and Trail Mix Day, to be followed on September 1st with "Honey, Where Did We Put The Treadmill?" Day. Neil Armstrong and I blow out our birthday candles on the 5th, a day after Barack Obama turns 50. Of course, it's also the time of year in which you never, ever want to introduce a bogus war based on shitty intelligence to the public. P.S. Hot enough for ya?
JEERS to the continuing distraction from job creation. This is Day 11 of our daily updates on the debt crisis, and here's what we know: tomorrow is August 2. Reid, Obama and McConnell say they've agreed on the terms for a barely-conditional Democratic surrender that they plan to sign on the deck of the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan. Unfortunately the House may act like the Japanese soldier stranded on a Pacific Island for 40 years who thinks the war against America is still raging, so they're a wild card. Oh, and if you're planning to take a spin around the lefty blogosphere today, wear your fire-proof undies. It's gonna get hot in here.
CHEERS to the G-Man gettin’ another G-term. I just realized that, even though he's been on the job for a decade (he took office a week before the 9/11 attacks), I have virtually no opinion, good or bad, about our current FBI director. Robert Mueller appears to be doing a good job catching bad guys (and bad gals, 70 percent of whom have criminal nicknames consisting of an adjective followed by the word "Mama"), and doesn’t seem to be a shameless showboater. So when he was unanimously confirmed by the Senate last week for another two-year term extension, I felt this overwhelming desire to hoot and holler and run around the block naked giving everyone fist-bumps. I just thought it was amazing. The Senate passed something unanimously.
JEERS to words not heeded. Remember when Alan Greenspan was treated as an almighty sage, the Yoda of the financial universe, the Gollum of the Galts? As long as he was saying what Republicans wanted to hear, he was good as gold. But one year ago today, in a brief moment of clarity, he tossed his GOP overlords an anchor:
MR. GREENSPAN: Look, I'm very much in favor of tax cuts, but not with borrowed money. And the problem that we've gotten into in recent years is spending programs with borrowed money, tax cuts with borrowed money, and at the end of the day, that proves disastrous. And my view is I don't think we can play subtle policy here on it.
MR. GREGORY: You don't agree with Republican leaders who say tax cuts pay for themselves?
MR. GREENSPAN: They do not.
Did Republicans take his advice and offer the thanks of a grateful nation? Hardly. They took him out behind the woodshed, made him squeal like a you-know what and, unless I missed something, he's been a good little Greenspan ever since. And the beltway party invitations overfloweth once again.
CHEERS to a merry gathering of great orange satans. The weather was terrific for the New England Kossack meetup in Portsmouth, New Hampshire Saturday at a cozy old pub called The Chef's Table (I think George Washington hocked a loogie there once). The gang included Commonmass, Frank, Debbie in ME, Simple, Vacationland, Annette Boardman, Mayim, Sobermom, Beverlywoods & Y2gender, Polisigh, JBL55 & Jim, Ed Tracey, Common Sense Mainer & yours truly. From what I understand everyone had a good time. Unfortunately, the last thing I remember is draining a rum and Coke and riding the banister "to infinity and beyond!" And to answer your question: No stitches, but a lot of Band-Aids.
CHEERS to our rocky little suitor. Scientists have concluded that earth is being pursued by a "Trojan asteroid." So far its attempts to penetrate our atmosphere have proven unsuccessful. The least it could do is buy us dinner first.
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Five years ago in C&J: August 1, 2006
JEERS to the big tease. Good news: As we write this, Fidel Castro is out of power! Bad news: He'll be back. The official line is that he had intestinal surgery. But I think he's just becoming a slacker.
CHEERS to the dead-cat bounce, part 5. Pew Research echoes four other polls that came out in July. President Bush is stuck at 36% approval. C&J instant analysis: less popular than waterskiing, more popular than waterboarding. But we're all still getting hosed anyway.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to The Three Billion Dollar Yacht. Okay, here's the thing you need to know about The Three Billion Dollar Yacht: it's a yacht, and it costs Three Billion Dollars:
A Malaysian businessman who wished to remain anonymous commissioned the work on the 100-foot yacht, which took three years to complete. The custom yacht features over 100,000 kilograms of solid gold and platinum. … The main sleeping quarters are filled with platinum accents from wall features made of meteoric stone and genuine Dinosaur bone shaved in from the raptor T-rex.
The vessel is called "History Supreme." But only because "Hi, I'm An Anonymous Malaysian Businessman And I'm Overcompensating For A Really Small Part Of My Anatomy" wouldn't fit on the plaque.
Have a tolerable Monday. Time spent extending your middle finger at Washington, D.C. will not be deducted from your lifespan. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
White House: Bill in Portland Maine could spoil Christmas cheer
---The Washington Post
7/28/11.
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